Free For All!
by IRO-Bot
Summary: Everyone is gathered at Seto Kaiba's home for an indefinite number of days. Surely this cannot be good...
1. The chaos begins

Ok here would be my first fanfic… EVER. I hope you likey. It's mostly randomness thrown together making a story. Fun! Oh and I don't own Yugioh… yet. devilish laugh

Yami Yugi- Atem, Pharaoh, Yami

Yami Marik- Malik

Yami Bakura- Bakura (good side is Ryou)

Seth- Yami Seto? I guess. But he's the spirit of the priest dude.

………………………………………………………………

Free for All

Chapto uno: The Chaos Begins…

All the YGO gang besides Seto and Seth were at the Kaiba Mansion messing around.

"Ahh! Tristan! Get away from me!" comes a scream from Tea.

"What! It's just a little water."

"It's a 35 pound water gun! That's more than Yugi weighs!"

"Hey!" shouted Yugi from the game room. "That's not funny!"

"Then why am I laughing?" snickered Bakura who was sitting in that room, playing Mario Cart Double Dash with him, Ryou and Joey.

"Come on guys. Leave Yugi alone." Ryou said. "It's not his fault that he is frighteningly smaller than all of us."

Yugi shot a look to Ryou. "Thanks. You're a great help." he muttered sarcasticly.

Marik ran into the room shouting "I got next game! I got next game!"

"I thought you hated Mario."

"Well it's better than baking with Ishizu. Seriously, she can be so freakin bossy! I mean, just now, we were making a pie, and…"

"PIE!" Joey jumped up. "Where?"

"In the kitchen but…"

"PIE FOR ALL! PEASANTS, REJOICE!" yelled Joey as he ran into the hall.

Ryou Anime fell.

"Ok I'll take his spot in the game now!" said Marik.

"Pshh… you wish fiend. All you do is get a whole bunch of junk and throw it all on one spot on the road so that someone is sure to hit it! Seriously, even I'm not that bad." said Bakura with a sneer.

"It's fun! And what do you mean you're not that bad. You made Mokuba cry once!"

"I wasn't crying!"

"I'd still rather have your other side play." Bakura told Marik.

"I don't even know where Malik is. Where is he?"

"PHARAOH!" came Malik's angered voice from the 2nd floor. (there are 3 floors so I have to specify myself.)

"Does that answer your question?" asked Yugi.

"Pharaoh get back here or I'll KILL you!"

Malik ran into the room. "Where is he!" he growled.

They shrugged.

"Why?" asked Yugi.

Malik glared at him. "That dark side of yours stole… stole Nyrin from me!"

"What? Who's Nyrin?"

"Oh, Malllllllllik?"

Everyone turned and saw Atem standing there with an evil grin on his face.

"You!" yelled Malik.

Atem laughed. "Looking for this?" He held up a yellow and blue Care Bear (No I do not own Care Bears. Stop Asking!)

Malik was seething. "Give that back to me you $!"

"Ooh. Malik has a potty mouth!" Atem snickered and ran off with Malik chasing him.

"Pharaoh, I swear to Ra, when I catch you…" his words echoed through the house.

"You'll do what?" came the response.

"I don't know how you even got to be pharaoh with the way you act!"

"Maybe it's because I'm cyuwt and snuggawee just like your wittle beary bear!"

Everyone in the game room including Ryou Anime fell.

"I'LL GET YOU!" Marik yelled.

There was a sudden crashing sound and a minute later Atem and Malik limped into the room.

"See what you did Malik! Thanks to you, my ankle is probably lacerated!"

"What about me! My knee cap is probably in a million pieces! And you busted Nyrin!"

Everyone else in the room sweatdropped. Except Ryou, who Anime fell.

"Oh I am soooooooo sad for your knee and your bear!"

"If my hikari hadn't hid my rod I'd banish you to the Shadow Realm right now?"

"Believe me pal, I'd do the same but my hikari has my puzzle. Besides, what could the shadow realm do to me? It couldn't hurt me, remember?"

"You'd be there for all eternity!"

"At least I'd be away from you!"

"Oh go to hell!"

"Ladies first!"

So that's pretty much how the conversation went for the next ten minutes. I think we should check up on Joey and Ishizu, don't you?

"Joey! You're not supposed to do that! And what shaped cookie IS that? OMR (oh my ra) you pervert!" Ishizu smacked Joey with the blender.

"What did I do! I'm doing everything you said to!"

"You put 4 cups of sugar in these cookies. There's only supposed to be one. One! You're going to be wired… from bread!"

"Sorry! Look you just want me to leave and wait or something… Hey! All you had to do was say yes… OW MY EAR!"

Heh heh. So what about Tea and Tristan. I'm sure they're doing something interesting.

"Holy Crap Tea! What the heck was that for!" yelled Tristan as he held his shin.

"You deserved it! Look at me I'm soaking!"

"You're smoking? Tea I'm ashamed of you. That's a filthy habit." said Yugi as he walked by.

Ryou didn't even hear, but he Anime fell anyway. "Dammit Ra!" he shouted annoyed.

"Umm… So that gives you the right to kick me in the shin!"

"No, but it was fun anyway."

"Tea, what about all your friendship speeches?"

"Oh no! You're right! I'm sorry. Friends should be nice to one another. Friendship mean forgiveness. A true friend always-"

"SHUTUP TEA!" came Bakura, Atem, and Malik's voices from the other room.

It was crazy. Ishizu was bringing Joey into the game room where the back door was. Tea was soaking while Tristan was leaning against the wall. Ryou, Yugi, Bakura, Mokuba, and Marik were yelling at each other with Yugi, Ryou and Mokuba accusing the other two of cheating and Marik and Bakura saying that it was their fault they couldn't handle a few turtle shells and Yoshi eggs being thrown at them (ok not a few, sixty five). And then there was Atem and Malik who were cursing at each other in ancient Egyptian.

Yep. It's perfect timing. Seto and Seth walk in through the back door.

"All right we've got pizza finally so-" began Seth until he looked up.

Seto stood there, pizza in hand eyes wide. Everyone froze. Ishizu still had Joey ear, Tristan was holding his shin, Tea had water dripping from her, the five playing the game were all on top of each other, and Atem and Malik each had a grip on each others necks.

Seto finally broke out of his stupor. "SON OF A-"

So how was it? You like? Please R&R! If you like it, I'll update. : )


	2. The Chapter of Joy

Yay! Finally got reviews. That's what I was waiting for. Also, I have a huge history report, had an English report, and couldn't think of what to write. But that's not important. So thus continues the chaos. By the way, the Pharaoh gets rather violent (in a nice way of course) in this one so keep away from immature children. And if you love Weevil, you will despise this chapter.

I don't own Yugioh, Nintendo, Half-Life, Ovaltine, Pokemon, or the Nobel Peace Prize so don't shoot me or anything.

**Chapto Two-o: Randomness Ensues Into Violent Measurements of Hysteria, Understated Graphical Images, and Illegal Weapon Abuse. Also known as The Chapter of Joy. **

Kaiba decides to gather everyone around in the kitchen, which is pretty hard to do considering everyone basically hates each other at the moment.

"Wheeler, I'm holding you fully responsible for this!" he says to Joey. He's lifting both Mokuba and Yugi up by the arm and dragging them with him, seeing how they are the same size.

"What! Why?" asks Joey, also going into the kitchen.

"Umm…because I hate you."

"Why do ya hate me?"

Seto stands there and looks at the blonde. Yugi and Mokuba are both trying to wriggle free from his grasp. "I don't know. I haven't gotten that far yet."

"Dat's what I thought."

Malik rushes up to him, looking shocked. "Did you just say… you thought? Oh Ra, our little Joey's growing up!" He wipes a fake tear from his eye.

Joey coughs. "Well heh heh. You know, I try."

Anyway, they all finally gather in the kitchen. Malik and Marik accidently drop a carton of eggs (why am I surprised) and start yelling at each other over whose fault it is. Seth and Mokuba are playing chess on the table, Ishizu and Tea were looking through a magazine, Tristan and Joey are playing "Sock of War", which is basically a game they just made up where all you do is sock each other to pass the time. Also, Ryou and Yugi are playing cards while their yamis are sitting next to them making different faces at each other. (If I forgot anyone besides Seto, then they suddenly either had a heart attack and died, or they had to go earn the Nobel Peace Prize.)

"Uh, Bakura?" says Ryou.

"Yes my hikari."

"What are you two doing?"

"We're practicing our different glares for dueling against people."

"Why?" asks Yugi, blinking.

"So that the audience doesn't get bored with our facial expressions." Atem answers.

"Ahh…"

"Okay people! Stop whatever the heck you're doing like I really care and listen to me!" exclaims Seto, entering in.

No one listens.

"Ugh. You freaks! Open your ears!"

Still no one pays any attention.

"I SAID-" he begins until he was socked in the stomach by a fist connected to an arm connected to a shoulder connected to…never mind. Everyone stops what they're doing and looks at Kaiba, who's bent over.

"Of all the days to wear my shirt with fake chain mail…" he mutters.

"Nice one dude!" compliments Joey to Tristan. He raises his hand for a high five, but Tristan ignores it.

'Great…' Tristan thinks

Seto finally stands up and rubs his stomach. "Damn, that probably softened my rock hard abs." He takes off his shirt. All the Seto fangirls start screaming and taking pictures. He poses. They all scream and faint. A zamboni (I don't know how to spell it) driven by Pikachu comes by and pushes all the bodies into a heap. Pikachu winks and gives a thumbs up sign. Pikachu fangirls scream and faint.

Seto walks up to the Pokemon and chucks him out the window saying "Dude, you ruined my groove!"

He walks back into the kitchen **with** a shirt on and clears his throat. "Ok, I know that you guys messed up my house, so guess what?"

Bakura raises his hand. "Ooh! Ooh! We get to go raid a rest home?"

Seto slaps his forehead. "No you idiot! We-"

Atem stands up. "Hey! I'm the only one allowed to call him that!"

Seto sighs. "Sure, ok. But anyway, you guys have to clean it now." He points to Bakura. "You, Ishtar, Mutou, Ryou (I don't know his last name), and my little brother have to clean the game mess." Bakura scowls.

"Hey, do you really have to call us by our last names?" asks Yugi.

Seto shrugs. "No. But it makes me sound cool and rich and hot." He poses again, making other fangirls faint.

"You know Kaiba," says Atem. "If I haven't known you for as long as I have, I'd think you were talking about rich chocolate Ovaltine." A bunch of kids come to the door, shouting "More Ovaltine Please!" Atem shudders and goes back to sitting and being bored while listening to Kaiba.

"Dude, we broke the Gamecube. Are we supposed to put it back together or something?" asks Marik while holding up pieces of the once playable game system.

"Naw, it's ok Marik. We've got like thirty more." Mokuba's tells him as he enters while pulling a huge box.

"That's right we bought extras when we heard all you creeps are staying here for a week." Seto mutters.

"Why are we staying here for a week anyway?" asks Malik, his chin resting on his fist. Marik and Ishizu scowl.

"Do you not remember Malik? Let me refresh your memory…" Ishizu begins.

_**Flashback**_

"Ishizu! This effing fly keeps buzzing around me!" Malik yells while trying to build a tiny pyramid out of the junk in his room, which he was supposed to be cleaning.

"Then take a shower and clean your room!" comes the response.

"I don't wanna!" he whines. Then he gets an idea lightbulb over his head. He looks up and sees it. "What the crap?" He shrugs and gets his millennium rod. "Come here you filthy beast, come-"

"Did you call me Malik?" asks Marik, who's passing by.

Malik rolls his eyes. "No." He looks for the fly and sees it on the wall. He grins and points his rod towards it. Unfortunately for him, the fly moves and the house disappears beneath his feet.

_**End Flashback**_

Malik grins sheepishly. "Oh yeah…"

"How about you Ryou?" asks Yugi.

Ryou looks at Bakura. "Why don't you tell them, yami?"

Bakura looks innocently at the rest. "Well, the house was attacking me." They stared at him. "A piece of ceiling fell on me!"

"And whose fault was that?" Ryou asks.

"Well you're certainly not implying that it was mine, are you?"

"Bakura, you tried to kill our parrot with a sledge hammer and got it stuck in the wall, causing the ceiling the break!"

"Well I'm sorry I'm not as scientific as you. Plus," mutters Bakura. "That parrot was trying to intimidate me."

"Parrot's talk. I thought you know that."

Bakura shrugs. He hears laughter next to him and turns. "Is something funny Pharaoh?" he growls.

The Pharaoh's cracking up in front of him. "I'm sorry Tomb Robber. It's just I didn't know you scare so easily. Over a little birdie."

Bakura scowled. "Well I seem to remember you having a thing with… rats."

"A RAT? WHERE! O MY RA! THE LAST ONE I SAW ALMOST ATE ME!" Atem jumps up pulling an AK47 out of… a hole, in the ground. Yeah. Bakura starts rolling on the floor laughing. Atem's eyes narrow. "You. Snake…" he mutters darkly. A hush falls over the room. Bakura stops laughing.

"Not a good idea to get the Pharaoh angry man…" says Marik. Bakura swallows.

Seto cuts in. "What are you guys smoking? I've gotten him mad at me plenty of times."

"No, no you haven't. If you did, you would be dead. I've seen him angry once. That was when he was dueling Weevil on the train." Tea says quietly.

"A WEEVIL! WHERE!" shouts Atem, throwing away the AK47 and pulling a double barrel shotgun out of the weapon hole. At that moment, Weevil and Rex walk into the room.

Weevil starts to speak. "Hey guys! What's goin-" Unfortunately, he could not finish his sentence because he had no head to do it with.

"Aww Weevil," says Rex disgustedly. "I told you that if you ever got your head blown off by the Pharaoh, don't do it near me. Now I've got you brains all over my new shirt!"

Atem turns to Seth, who is by the hole of weaponry.

"Seth, grab me a chainsaw, will you?" he asks.

Seth puts his hand into the hole. "Uh, how 'bout a crowbar?" Atem shrugs and Seth tosses it to him.

He looks over Weevil and grins. "Time to die Bug Boy."

Marik taps him on the shoulder. "Uh sorry to break it to ya, but the guy's already dead." he whispers.

"Shh, don't tell anyone." Atem mumbles. Marik nods and backs away. The Pharaoh raises the crowbar above his head. "Muahahahahahahahaha!" he laughs. He sees Ryou give him a weird look. "Just for effect." he explains. As he starts bringing the crowbar down, he hears: "There is my ultimate weapon of great insanity and deadliness." Everyone looks and sees Gordon Freeman (if you've never played Half-Life then you may not understand, but just go w/ it) standing there with a scientist next to him whose head was being held by a headcrab.

"Sorry but I'm gonna need that back. You can have my grenade launcher though." he says as he trades the crowbar for a huge grenade launcher. Gordon then walks with the scientist out the back door. Atem blinks and tosses his new weapon to Seth.

"Here, you can have my sword." came two voices from behind him. He turns and sees two blonde haired teens with green clothing and green hats handing him a sword each. One is younger and smaller while the other looks about Kaiba's age and height.

"Thanks…" says Atem as he takes the blades and begins chopping Weevil into pieces. Suddenly, girls run toward the green clothed teens screaming "OMYGODIT'SLINKOMYGODIT'SLINKOMYGODIT'SLINK!" Seto's fangirls were after the older Link (if you haven't played the Legend of Zelda, then your on the same page as those who haven't played Half-Life. But try and go along w/ it. : )) and Mokuba's fangirls were running after the younger. The boys both ran away yelling "Goddesses save us!"

Atem stands up and walks to the table with a big platter in his hands, rather disturbed by the scene he just witnessed. He grins anyway. "Who wants some bite size Weevil McNuggets?" The rest of the yamis (Seth, Bakura, Malik) ran over to the table and started eating along with the Pharaoh. Everyone else just stared at them, disgusted.

"Pharaoh. You're… a cannibal." stammered Tea, a little frightened.

"Am not! You're only a cannibal if you eat a person, and Weevil is not a person." Everybody agreed. Yugi had developed a twitch because of watching his yami do what he did for the past half hour.

FINALLY, after all that, Seto assigned more places for them to clean, there was more arguing and shouting, more weapons taken out of the weaponry hole, but at last they were calm.

Until Ryou brought in the sugar…


	3. Concerning the Phrase: Utterly Weird

The third chappi is comp-lete! Hazzah. breaks into song WOW! I feel good. Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh.

Atem: Come now my dark angel. We don't want to scare away the children now, do we?

I do believe you did that last chapter dude.

Atem: Is it really my fault that I hate rats? I mean, there was one in the palace this one time, and I thought it was just a really really really really big mouse. But then it ate one of my guards. shudders

That's a very touching story Yami. Now let us get back to the story of wonderful happiness and death.

Bakura: (in sarcastic tone) Oh I am so giddy.

Seto: Indeed…

Thanks for the review! s! (I guess I can make it plural now). Oh and disclaimer: I no own, you no sue. We're all happy. Except maybe the government…

**Chapto three-o (okay I'll stop that): Concerning the Phrase- Utterly Weird**

click click click click click click click click

"Yugi?"

click click click click click click click click

"Yugi!"

"Yes Bakura?"

"If you don't shut that freaking remote up right now, I am going to shave you head, strip you of all your clothing but you boxers, shove you into the freezer, and laugh maniacally as I turn the temperature down to -83 degrees."

Yugi's eyes became twice the size they usually are, if that is humanly possible.

Ryou cut in. "C'mon Bakura. Be nice."

"And why should I?"

"Because," Ryou grinned as he held up a white bag. "I have sugar."

Bakura jumped up, his eyes wide. "Sugar? Give it to me! Muahahahahaha! My precious!" He reached for the bag of sugar and ripped it out of his hikari's hands.

Malik and Seth came in as well, grabbing for the bag. Once they got it in their hands, they tore it open and began to devour the stuff. (heh heh. Stuff…)

They heard a muffled yell and turned. It was the Pharaoh.

"Mmm! Fgrr! Gftmm. Gftmm NVV!" (translation: What! Sugar! Give to me. Give to me NOW!) Seto, Yugi, Marik, and Bakura (they had needed some magic power) had tied him to a chair and taped his mouth because of what he did to Weevil. He scooted into the room.

"Aww, does the poor wittle Pharaoh want some white crystals of deliciousness? Because he's not going to get any. Besides, you already get high enough on the other white stuff you have." said Bakura with a snicker.

Yugi looked at Atem, who had wide eyes. "Yami! I thought you had quit doing those."

"MMFF!" was Atem's response as he quickly scooted back out of the room.

**Five Minutes Later**

"WhatareyoudoingRyouareyouhavingfunfunisgoodbutcheeseisbetterspeakingofpenguinshaveyouevergonetoarainforestnotmejustEgyptitwasdrybutCanadaisCanadianisithotinhereIsmellturkey!" Bakura was bouncing of the walls, literally. Everything that used to be hanging on them was now on the floor.

"Well at least Yugi can see the duelist kingdom pictures with out havin to use a stepladder." cracked Joey.

Yugi muttered something unintelligible.

"What's that Yug? You didn't say nutin 'bout my dueling skills did ya? Cause you know I let you win last time right? Why I oughta-"

"Relax Wheeler." Seto cut in. "He just said that, your brain is so small, that if we all had our heads put into a trash compactor, you'd probably be the only one to survive."

Joey blinked. "Oh. I thought it was an insult or somethin." He went back to doing what he was doing, which was at this time, sitting on the couch watching Aqua Team Hunger Force. (which I do not own)

_**TV:**_

Meatwad: Take the meat bridge! (turns into a bridge)

Shake: Uh…um… no! (goes around bridge)

Meatwad (quietly): fine don't take the meat bridge…

_**End TV**_

Joey, Marik, Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Seth, and Tristan all start busting up laughing. Mokuba blinks. Rex does a fake laugh but then says "I don't get it."

"Oh grow up Rex!" says Tristan, throwing a shoe at him.

"Yeah, we don't talk that way around here. Go wash your mouth!" comments Seth. He throws a lamp at Dino Boy.

Rex dodges them both. "What did I say!"

Not taking his eyes off the screen, Ryou chucks a stove his direction. "That's what you get for being such a pervert!"

"Rex! How could you say such a thing? And after I helped rescue your soul too!" Joey hurls Kaiba's limo at him.

Rex yelps as he ducks the car that comes flying over his head. "W-What did I do!"

"Shut your mouth! There are children present you know!" Bakura, because of his super-sugary-strength, throws the state of California at him.

"Holy-"

"I WILL PUMP UP CALIFORNIA!" Arnold Schwarzenegger came into the room along with the rest of the most populated state in the U.S. He looked around. "Oh no. Where am aih? I must go pump up Sacramento!"

He walks out the front door. "Taxi!" he calls. A taxi stops but takes off before he can get in. "Argh! You ah a campleet idiot! Do you not know who ah am? Ah am thee Terminator! And I will terminate thees town!" He goes on a rampage until the cops come and take him to a mental institution.

"Bakura! I told you not to eat so much sugar! See? Now America only has 49 states!"

"Whatwhenwherewhywhohowforwhatpurpose?" Bakura jumps around some more.

"Ra dammit! Ryou, tell your baka yami to stop!" Malik shouts angrily.

"Bakura!"

The yami cartwheels out the door and runs around screaming "I'M INVICIBAL! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SHALL ALL DIIIIIIEEEEEE!" With that, he sends McDonalds to the Shadow Realm.

The television switches to a breaking news report.

News Guy: The number of heart-attacks world wide has just decreased by 90 percent in the past 30 seconds. George, what do you think about this?"

The camera switches to the outside, showing another news guy. "I, uh…" George motions for the script. "I've. Never. Seen. Anything. Lick it- LIKE IT! I've never seen anything like it." George smiles and gives a thumbs up sign.

First news guy: Nicely put George. You are very elaborate in covering the story. In fact…

He leans toward the camera.

First news guy again: I've really gotten to like that about you. You're so great in so many ways. Maybe you could show me some more ways later, huh?

George blushes.

Mokuba looks at Seto. "Big brother, I'm scared."

Seto doesn't look up from his reading. "Great here's some money for glasses."

Mokuba gives him a weird face. "What?"

"You said you were visually impaired."

The younger Kaiba rolls his eyes. "Never mind…"

Ryou is dragging Bakura back into the house. "Now, come on! Here, take this." Ryou gives his yami a hammer. "Go destroy something. But not in the house!"

"Oh goody!" Bakura runs back outside and starts smashing the house across the street.

"Hey get the bleep out of my bleeping yard!" An old lady runs out of the house, chasing Bakura with her walker and cursing. Bakura runs back into the house.

"RYOU! THE DEVIL IS AFTER MY SOUL!" he yells.

"Maybe he can clean it up a bit…"

"But Ryou!" Bakura suddenly collapses.

A hot dog vendor comes in the door. The hot dog dude asks "Hey is he alright?"

"Just a little low on the sugar. But he'll be back to normal, whatever that is."

"Oh." The hot dog dude gives everyone a free hamburger, saying he ran out of the dogs, and goes back out the door.

"Interesting…"

"What's that Malik?" Marik asks with hamburger in his mouth.

"I didn't know possums could do that…"

Everyone looks where Malik is facing. Two possums are on top of each other.

Mokuba speaks up. "Hey, are they-"

"NO!" Kaiba takes a magnum and shoots both possums. He then closes the curtain. "Let's see what's on TV, shall we?" He clicks on the teli, which apparently has been turned off. It is a huge mistake on his behalf.

As soon as the picture comes on, everyone screams.

"Turn it off! Turn it off!"

"Noooooooo!"

"My nightmare has come to life!"

For there on the screen, was the most evil, most terrifying thing ever to be broadcasted on television.

"I love you, you love me…" came the creature's voice.

Malik interrupted. "LET'S GET TOGETHER AND KILL BARNEY!" (I don't own Barney. If I did, I would have shot myself long ago.)

"Big brother, save me from the hellish scene!" Mokuba grabs for his brothers hand.

"I can't take it anymore! Auuugghh!" The Pharaoh, who had been gone for about an hour, comes into the room free from the chair and swinging an axe, which he then smashes into the TV set.

Everyone looks at him in horror and backs away. A second later however, they sigh, relieved that the purple dinosaur is no longer in their living room. Or was he?

"We're a happy family!" comes the voice again. Everyone screams again when they see Barney the Dinosaur waltz into the living room. He grabs the Pharaoh and hugs him. Atem tenses up. He finally snaps.

"GET BACK, BEAST! YOU FOOLISH MORTAL WHO DOES NOTHING BUT BRAINWASH LITTLE CHILDREN INTO BELIEVING THAT PLEASE AND THANK YOU REALLY ARE MAGIC WORDS! DIIIIIEEEEE!" Atem quickly smashes the axe into the dinosaur, who keels over and turns into a pile of ashes and smoke.

"Aww, no blood this time." Bakura comments.

"Hey you! Over here!" another voice calls.

They turn and see a very small person with hair on their bare feet. He was about three feet tall, or for you technical people, 36 inches in height.

"Good Ra, it's smaller than Yugi." says Ryou, a bit scared.

"Yeah… hey where is Yugi anyway?" asks Marik.

Everyone shrugs. Marik turns to Atem. "Pharaoh? Where is your hikari?"

"Shadow Realm." Atem says simply.

"What? Why?"

"Well…"

_**Flashback**_

"Oh, Ra. Hold still yami, please!"

Yugi and Tea were upstairs trying to untie Atem and take the tape off his mouth while the others were downstairs.

"Mmmmmfffff!" Atem yelled, or tried to yell...

"FRIENDSHIPING FRIENDSHIP OF FRIEDLYNESS FRIENDS!" Tea shouted while trying to untie the knots.

Atem gave Yugi a look. "It's her way of swearing." Yugi told him.

Finally, the knots were undone. "Now," said Yugi "We have to take off the tape."

The Pharaoh's eyes got as big as his hikari's and he tried to run out of the room. Tea blocked his path. "Oh no you don't little mister!" She grabbed him and ripped off the tape.

There was silence for the next minute. Atem's eyes were changing colors rapidly. First they were dark red, then bright green, then yellow, then dark red again, then black. In their black stage, he looked like the most evil person in the world. Tea whimpered when she saw them.

It was also then that Atem shouted "Little mister! Little Mister! I'll show you!" There was a flash of light and Tea was gone.

"Wh-Where'd she go?" asked Yugi, looking around.

Atem's eyes were back to normal, but he was still angry at what Yugi and Tea did. "Do you want her back?"

"Well, not really, but-"

"See ya!" Another flash and Yugi was gone.

_**End Flashback**_

"I see…" Marik responded.

"So, what do you want, little person who is shorter than Yugi?"

"First off, my name is Merry. And I'm a hobbit. But to get to the point, Gimli wants his axe back."

"Oh, right, the dwarf guy. Well here you go." Atem tosses him the axe, which surprisingly does not cut off his hands.

Merry runs out of the room shouting, "Pharaoh Atem's Dark Angel does not own Lord of the Rings!"

"Pharaoh, I think you should bring Yugi back now." says Ryou.

"Eh, aiyt." There's another flash, causing Atem to go blind for a minute. But Yugi comes back, rather petrified.

"Whew, I almost got eaten."

"By a monster?" asks Mokuba.

"No. By Tea. I think that she might like me."

Everyone coughs.

"Look at all the pretty colors." Atem is walking around the room, his eyes looking this way and that.

"I don't think he should use the flash anymore." says Malik.

"Ugh…" Bakura finally gets up. "Woah, that was really weird."

It's too bad he got up at the time he did. If he hadn't, he wouldn't witness the scene he is about to.

"Pharaoh!"

They all turned and look at the doorway. A terrified cry came from Atem's mouth. The other's gasp. For there, standing in the doorway is-

Buahahahahaha! Evil am I! You'll find out who it is next chapter though. Please Review! And I guess you can read it too if you want, you know… Anyway, this chapter was fun to write, so I hope you like.


	4. Time for Sleep?

I know I haven't written in a bajizillion years but I was grounded. For no reason! Grr…. This one was pretty fun to write, but isn't as random as the others. It will get better though. So read. Go ahead, read! RREEAAAADDDDDDDDD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Seto: She's so weird.

Marik: You just now figured that out?

Atem: He's a slow learner. It took him months to figure out he could never beat me, then even longer to figure out that I'm not Yugi.

Seto: Shutup.

Me: ANYWAY, getting back… here's my fourth chapter. I'm finally starting the whole "story line deal" though. So have fun with it, or whatever you do when you read stuff.

Bakura: What is this "story line" she speaks of?

Noah: I dunno. Give me my cheese.

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGHHHH! It's Mr. Hot Virtual Blue Haired Boy!

Me:…

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING, SO STOP REMINDING ME! (runs away crying)

"Cows" – speaking

'Mmm… cows…' – thoughts

**Chapi 4: Time for Sleep?**

The door swings open. "Hello Everyone!" comes a voice.

Atem gasps. Bakura gasps. Yugi gasps. Seto gasps. A dude from India riding a bike on the sidewalk while on the way to his work at an industrial company gasps. This however could be because he hits a rock and flies head first into a car. But that doesn't matter.

"It's… you!" says Ishizu, whom I forgot to mention last chapter (sorry all you Ishizu fans).

Standing in the doorway is Pegasus. He is looking around at the group.

"Why are you here?" asks the Pharaoh.

"Oh, come now Yugi-boy. It's not like I'm your enemy or anything."

Atem clenched his fist. "Don't. Call. Me. Yugi-boy…"

"Pegasus! What are you doing in my house?" growls Seto.

Pegasus looks at Seto and smiles. "Oh Kaiba-boy! I am in your house because I could not stay in your yard. Who would, with five attack dogs trying to decapitate you? Really, you should get a friendlier welcoming service."

"I'll put that on my list of "Things to do After I Murder Pe-gay-sus."

"Hahaha. You are so funny I forgot to laugh." mutters Pe-gay… er… Pegasus.

"Actually you did laugh, you idiotic-charbroiled-monkey-butt." says Seto.

"Uh, Kaiba. Charbroiled?" Marik asks puzzled.

"I'm hungry. We haven't had dinner yet. Yugi, go get a pizza."

"We do have pizza a lot don't we?" ponders Malik.

"It's the way the world works, Malik." says Ryou.

Yugi walks up to Seto and, standing on his tip-toes, looks him in the eye and says "Oh YEAH? And who are you to tell me what to do?"

"I am currently providing you with clothing, shelter, and your life. Now here's a hundred dollars. Go buy pizza."

"Right away cap'n." Yugi chirps. He skips away happily, singing "This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Somebody started singing it not knowing what it waaaaaaaaaaaaaassss! Now we continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ennnnnddddddddssssssss! Yes it goes on and on my frieeennnnndsssss!" And so forth. (A/N: I forgot what show that was from but whatever it is I don't own it.)

"Oh dear Ra! He's singing that song again!" cries Atem. He falls to the ground in despair.

"Hmm… I'll have to check the Pharaoh's blood sugar when we're done here." murmurs Bakura.

"So anyway, Kaiba-boy, I am going to be staying here for a while since a band of evil squirrels with flame throwers burnt my mansion to the ground." Pegasus says.

Seto looks to the ceiling. "Why me? Why me? What's wrong with this world?" he asks.

Seth shakes his head at his hikari. "No, no Seto. The floor contains the answers to life. What have I told you?"

Bakura and Ryou raise their eyebrows. "Yeah…" says Bakura, a bit frightened.

**2 hours later**

"Argh! What is taking that baka hikari so bloody long?" groans Malik.

Bakura smacks him. "Bloody is my word, fool! Use it and DIE! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Atem smacks him too. "Don't call my light side a baka you effing baka!"

All three of them get into an argument, which soon turns into a debate about which color Teletubbie should be sent to the Shadow Realm first. So far, I feel really sorry for the purple one. (I don't own teletubbies, I don't ever plan to. If I did then it would no longer be a little kids show. Too much blood.)

Ishizu now raises an eyebrow. "This is… actually pretty normal. For once." She leans back on the couch she's sitting on.

Pegasus is looking at a magazine entitled Because You Are Different . (Maybe you can figure it out.) "Ooh, Kaiba-boy! Look at this darling red dress. Wouldn't it be perfect for you?"

Seto slouches in his chair. 'I am going to hang myself with Atem's puzzle chain.' he thinks to himself.

"Yes Kaiba, wouldn't it be perfect for you?" Atem laughs.

Seto glares at him 'On second thought, maybe I'll hang Atem with his puzzle chain…'

"Eeglnorf! Tristan, stop stabbing me with your hair!" shouts Joey.

"Geez sorry." says Tristan. He smirks.

Ryou looks at them both. "Eeglnorf?" he wonders out loud.

"Don't question their belief system Ryou. It may corrupt our community, causing it to collapse into eternal nothingness and sucking us into a black hole which will send us millions of years into the future where we will not understands either the language or society, and if that happens, we shall be locked away by evil alienated creatures and sentenced to unawakened slumber for the rest of our miserable lives." says Bakura, while reading a book entitled The Doom of This World -Volume 2: Helpless and Hopeless, Scientifically Speaking.

Ryou grabs the book out of his yami's hands. "No more reading for you, mister. Reading is stupid. Go watch tv so your brain will become liquefied." he says. At least, that's what Bakura thinks he says. Ryou's actual words were. "Are you reading those stupid alien books again Baku? Even TV teaches you more than that."

Bakura backs away. "No, you will not enslave me, evil mind user! I will not become like you and your kind!" With that said, he turns to run, but on his way out the door, smacks into Yugi.

"This is the song that never ennnnddddssssssss!" Yugi sings.

Bakura stares at him. "Don't hurt me!" he cries.

Yugi skips around, holding eight pizza's and singing.

"Pharaoh! Stop him! Stop him I say!" shouts Malik with his hands over his ears.

"Yugi that's enough!" Atem grabs Yugi and shakes him. "Stop this instant or I'll… I'll… I'll call Doctor Gedorfruik!"

Yugi immediately stops and looks up at Atem with big eyes. "No, not him. Anyone but him!" Yugi falls to the ground in despair.

Bakura finally comes back to reality, whatever that is. "What's wrong with that doctor?" he asks.

"I don't really know, to be honest. But it's sure fun to scare Yugi with!"

"Come on guys and girl. Are we gonna eat or what?" asks Seth.

"Sure." says Joey and Tristan together. They devour five pizzas in three seconds.

"Oh, well great, that's just great! Three pizzas for like ten people. You guys are so kind!" Mokuba says rather sarcastically.

Pegasus comes and puts a hand on the younger Kaiba's shoulder. "It's allright Mokuba. I'm here." Mokuba runs away screaming.

Eventually they eat. Eventually…

"Allright guys, I guess it's time to go to bed or something. But where do we sleep?" asks Marik.

Seto pulls out a piece of paper. "I had Mokuba do the set up for who sleeps where. Let's see… MOKUBA! This is awful!"

Mokuba looks up at him. "Well, it took me forever, and I'm not changing it!" he says.

"Hey, why's Ishizu by herself?" asks Marik.

"She's the only girl." Mokuba responds.

Ishizu smiles. "Why thank you Mokuba. That was thoughtful."

Atem grabs the paper and reads it with Bakura looking over his shoulder. Both their eyes grow large.

'Wait for it…' thinks Malik, who had already seen the paper. 'Wait for it…'

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" They both yell at once.

Bakura grabs Mokuba. "Diiiieeee wicked child! DIIIIEEEE!"

Atem stands there petrified. "I can't believe it. All my worst nightmares are coming true…" He pinches himself. "Wake up wake up wake up- Damn it's not working!"

Seth snatches the paper out of the Pharaoh's shaking hands. "Oh c'mon. I can't be that bad." When he sees it however, he stifles a laugh. "On the other hand…"

Ok, the list went like so:

Seto's room-

Seto, Joey, Tristan, Mokuba

Guest room one-

Malik, Seth, Yugi, Ryou, Marik

Guest room two-

Ishizu, What ever other girls come

Attic-

Bakura, Atem, Pegasus

Pegasus looks at the list. "Ohh! We're roomies Yugi-boy!" he says happily.

Atem is getting over the side affects of miserable shock. "What joy has been inflicted upon me… heh heh…"

"Aw, don't worry Yami! You'll be fine. It won't be that bad!" Yugi tells him.

Ryou goes over to Bakura. "C'mon Baku. Cheer up! It's be ok!" he says.

Atem and Bakura look at each other. They let out a huge sigh-

_**SIGH**_

and walk up to the attic with Pegasus skipping along behind them.

The other go to their rooms as well and they all get a good nights sleep and wake up rested in the morning, ready to start a happy peaceful day… Yeah right! They think they'll get a good sleep, but their a bit off in that perspective. Oh, the chaos that ensues that night…

Phew, that took forever. Sort of. Please review though even if you don't like it which is a strong possibility! But even still I have barely any reviews, so you know. So please R&R! Thanks!


	5. The Chapter of Five ooh

Here comes chapter 5! Auuuuggghhh! (ducks) Phew, that was close.

Marik: Let the stupidness continue.

Stupidness is not a word. It got underlined in red. HA!

Marik: O.o

Don't give me that face! Ahem. Anyway here ya go. Same plot and storyline and stuff, if it had a plot.

Seto: Fenny monkey.

I know Seto, I know. But anyway, the last few chapters wasn't really part of their week of joy. Nest chapter it begins though.

Bakura: Nest chapter guys!

Oops. NEXT chapter. Happy Bakura?

Bakura: No…

Ah well. Anyway, let us start!

Atem: Dun dun DDDDUUNNNNNNNNN!

That was completely unnecessary Atem. Now can you do the disclaimer for me?

Atem: Why should I? Huh? Huh?

Because I will have Bakura put ice down your pants if you don't.

Bakura: Sweet!

Atem: Grr… alright fine. PADA claims to own everything. Come sue her.

THAT'S NOT TRUE! You are so dead Atem! I don't own Yu-gi-oh or any other brand name thing in my fic. Now get back here you spiky haired freak!

Atem: Run away! Ahhhhhh!

"No maggots allowed" – talking

'Maggots ate my cheese. They shall pay' – thinking

**Chapter Five: **

Seth leads Ryou, Malik, Marik, and Yugi into the first guest room. 'I don't see why I can't stay in my own room' he thinks to himself.

Yugi looks around. "Woah, even his guest rooms are based on his favorite monster." he says. The walls are a grey color, the ceiling white and the carpet blue.

Ryou nods but then notices a bunk bed on the far side of the room. "I got top bunk!" he yells running toward it. However, he is tackled by Yugi, who scrambles up the ladder onto the bed.

"Haha! You are no match for the King of Games! I showed y-" a pillow flew from Ryou's hand into his face.

"Whatever."

"Yeah, besides Atem does all the battles for you." says Marik.

"So? Does that mean I don't get to take the credit.?"

Marik shrugs. He sits on another bed but Malik shoves him off.

"What the hell was that for?" Marik shouts, glaring at his yami.

Malik grins evilly. "Respect your elders. I get the bed."

"Where do I sleep?"

"On the floor with the rest of the filth."

"You're real kind."

"I know."

"Why can't you be more like Yugi's yami?"

"Why can't you keep your mouth from moving?"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" yells Yugi.

Everyone stares at him. "Woah, Yugi just yelled!" Marik says surprised.

"He must get it from the pharaoh." Malik implies.

"I didn't know he would ever do that."

"You don't know much of anything really."

"Do you think you could shut that hole in your face?"

"Naw, it helps me aerate."

"I thought your butt did that."

"I thought your face **was** your butt."

"Shows how smart you are."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"I would, but you would cry."

"Yeah, right."

"I'm glad you agree with me."

Ryou jumps in. "Hey, how about if you two don't stop, I take a knife and shove it up both of your asses."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Guys, come on! Will you stop already? You guys are acting like two year old college roommates." Yugi groans.

"Your mom goes to college." (1)

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOMMA?"

Seth groans. This was going to be a long week. 'At least they have to go to school tomorrow.' he thinks. Suddenly, his eyes widen. They DO have to go to school tomorrow, don't they? "OK EVERYONE SHUT UP NOW OR YOU WILL SLEEP OUTSIDE WITH SETO'S OVERLY VICIOUS GUARD DOGS!" he shouts at them.

Immediately they stop. "Gee, what's with you Seth?" asks Malik.

"Tomorrow's a school day! I just remembered. Now get in bed. Yugi, you get the top bunk, Ryou, the bottom, and Marik the regular bed. Malik and I will have sleeping bags. I'm gonna go tell the others because they also apparently forgot. Alright?" They nod grudgingly. Ryou, Yugi and Marik aren't exactly happy about having to go to school tomorrow. Seth walks out the door. "And you'd all better be asleep when I get back!"

Meanwhile, Seto's not exactly having the time of his life. "Alright," he begins explaining his rules. "This is my room. There will be none of the following: pillow fights, food fights, fist fights, or duels. Do not tough anything except yourselves and even try to keep that to a limit. Any questions?"

Tristan raises his hand. "Yeah, uh, where's the bathroom?"

"We don't have one. Go outside."

"It's down the hall to the left. Here I'll show you." Mokuba says quickly.

Tristan nods and gives Seto a look before going out the door. Seto just sneers. He sits on his bed and starts reading a book. Joey sits on a chair and begins whistling what sounds oddly like the "I Love Lucy" (don't own) theme song. After about 30 seconds he stops. "So what do I do?" he asks.

"Well, there's this game we could play. You take a rope and climb up a tall building. Whoever is the first to tie one end around his neck and the other to something on the roof, then jump off, wins." Seto says sarcastically.

Joey didn't catch the sarcasm. "Ha. Right. I'm not fallin for dat one again."

This is Seto's face: O.o

Tristan and Mokuba rush in at that moment. "Guys, we just met Seth in the hallway!" exclaims Tristan.

"Funny, I thought I had already introduced you to him." The sarcastic remarks from Seto Kaiba just keep coming don't they?

Tristan gives him another look. "Right… Well, anyway. He said it's a school day tomorrow!"

That got a groan out of Joey and Seto. "Crap, I forgot. Today's a Sunday." Joey says.

Seto gets up. "Then you guys should get to bed. Except you Wheeler. You're sleeping in the bathroom."

"What? Why?"

"Oh, I thought you would be happy. After all there is a nice toilet to drink out of, stupid mutt."

Joey clenches his fist. "Dat's it!" He tackles Seto onto his bed. At that moment, Yugi walks in.

"Hey guys I-" he begins, but stops after he sees Joey and the older Kaiba on the bed. "Wow Joe, Kaiba. I didn't know. Shall I leave you alone?" he says smugly.

Seto looks disgusted. He pushes Joey off, who proceeds to glare at Yugi.

"What do you want twerp?" asks Seto, dryly.

"I'm looking for Seth. He was supposed to tell you about tomorrow being a school day."

"Well you wasted your time. He's not here."

"Shut up crapface." Yugi growls. (ooh, Yugi's getting mad. Heh heh.)

"I saw him in the hall Yug." Tristan says.

"Thanks Trist."

"What, do you guys not use more than one syllable for your names or something?"

"Not really Set." Yugi starts to walk out the door but hears a yell.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER PRIEST!" It was apparently Marik.

They rushed out the door and found Marik pinning Seth against the wall.

"I was just telling her-"

"Telling her what? Come on! If you're gonna tell her, why can't you say it to my face, huh? You jackass!"

Ishizu comes out. "My brother, please calm down. He was only telling me that since there are two bathrooms on this floor, I could have a separate one from you guys. Ok?"

Marik looked at her. "Really?"

She nods. He lets Seth go. "Alright, but if I find out it was anything else, I'm gonna unleash Malik on you."

Malik looks disturbed. "What am I, some sort of beast?"

"Yes."

"I see…"

They go back into their rooms but before Seth goes back, he gives the 'call me' sign to Ishizu. She nods and smiles, then shuts her door.

"That was… interesting." says Joey, a bit unnerved.

"Yes, well, enough festivities for tonight. Let's go, all of you." Seto pushes them back into the room.

**Meanwhile** in the attic, Bakura and Atem are on the verge of losing what sanity they have left. Pegasus has been skipping around the room for about 15 minutes, singing "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie wo-o-orld!" (don't own the song)

"Well, at least he admits it." Atem sighs.

"Maybe you should too." snickers Bakura. A second later, his nose starts to bleed, because that's where Atem's fist happens to land.

"Ow! You butt-chunk! That…hurt…mmm." Bakura began licking the blood on his face. "Good…"

Atem looks surprised. "Really? Hey, sock me."

"Gladly." The white haired yami throws his fist to the Pharaoh's face.

"Oof! Hey it is good."

"Oh, it's starting to dry. Hit me again!"

_Smack!_ "Ugh… ahh, mmm."

"My turn!"

_Biff! _"Ngh, well it didn't hurt so much that time. I think it's starting to numb. Mmm…"

"Alright me again!"

Ok, well maybe they've already lost all their sanity. After a few more minutes of that, the blood started to dry on their tongues (how appetizing) so they stopped. Pegasus was now singing "If I were a rich girl, nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah!" (don't own this song either)

"Too late." Atem says. (actually it came out 'thoo lauh' since his tongue was all grossed up.)

Bakura nods. "Mahba we sough jas keeh hahm." (translation: Maybe we should just kill him.)

"Ahf gah a nahf. Bah if I uth ith, Yuhgai wih tahk mah whoah colccahn awah." (translation: I've got a knife. But if I use it, Yugi will take my whole collection away.)

"Oh." (how they understand each other is beyond me)

Pegasus leaps on Atem. "Come on Yugi-boy. Sing with me: Hear the sound of the polar rain! Coming down like an Armageddon flame!" (I don't own Green Day)

"Get off me butt-juice! (A/N: don't you love their insults? Actually, they come from the insults my family has. Strange, I know.) And you're ruining one of my favorite Green Day songs!" Atem screams at him as he shoves him off. He turns to Bakura. "Can't you do something?"

"Only send him to the shadow-realm. But my hikari has the ring again. Can't you mind crush or something?" Bakura asks.

"Oh yeah- hey our voices are back to normal. How did that happen?"

"Ask the authoress."

"Anyway, Pegasus, come here." orders Atem. Pegasus obeys, grinning all the while. Quickly, Atem grabs him by the skull and he is out cold.

"Won't you get in trouble since our hikaris said not to use our shadow powers? Not that I really care if you do or anything."

"I didn't kill him. I just put him to sleep. If I could use my true shadow magic, you would have been dead again long ago."

"I doubt it. Too much of Yugi's niceness has rubbed off on you. You wouldn't hurt me."

"How about Weevil?"

"You said yourself that Weevil isn't a person. He doesn't count. Neither did Barney."

Atem frowns. 'Maybe Bakura is right' he thinks. 'Maybe Yugi's traits are rubbing off on me. Damn.'

"Oh well. I'm going to sleep, although there's not really any place to sleep here…" says Bakura, looking around the room. It has bare wood walls, a raggedy thin carpet, an old table with a couple splintered chairs, and no real place to sleep. "Yup, you can tell that Seth's hikari saved the best for us." He goes over to a softer spot on the rug and lies down. "It feels like prison all over again, eh Pharaoh?"

Atem looks at him. "You got whatever you deserved back then, Tomb Robber."

"Actually I meant last week, remember? The whole smashed police car windshield incident."

Atem blushes. "I told you to never bring that up." he hisses.

Bakura just laughs and closes his eyes.

Atem also lies on the ground, but gets up. He can't sleep, so he goes downstairs to see if the others are awake or not. On the way past Seth's room, he hears someone mumbling. Peeking in, he sees Malik turning over and over in his sleep, talking to himself and apparently dreaming. "Hahahaha…that's right pharaoh bow to me…hahahaha….no Odion go away I don't want cake…I wanna ride the pony…yeah the pink one…not the white one the PINK ONE DAMMIT!"

Atem backs away from the door, making a mental note to himself never to deny Malik anything pink. Going by Seto's room, he hears him mumbling as well. "I will defeat you Atem…stop no…not my blue eyes…help me I have to win to save…to save… to save my cheese…heh heh cheese…"

'Interesting.' thinks Atem. Again he quickly back away and keeps walking, this time near Ishizu's room. He hears the television on and looks in a bit to see her watching "Punk'd" (no, I don't own anything on MTV or anywhere else for that matter). 'Great, now she knows how to work that boxy thing and I still don't?' he thinks to himself.

Atem goes down two more flights (I said earlier that there were three stories, at least in this fic there are) of stairs and decides to get some water. However as he is walking towards the kitchen, a sudden knock on the front door makes him jump…

**That was so freakin long! I'm sorry if you don't like long chapters. If you do, then well I hope you enjoyed this one. Please R&R! Thanks.**

**Bakura: If you don't review, she'll kill you!**

**No I won't Bakura. He's such a liar, hahaha. (throws gun away) But anyway, I'm tired now and I have to do my history homework (grr…) so see you later.**


	6. Aussie Visitor & Monday Notices

**Well, hello my little minions of injustice. This is Bakura speaking. I am looking over PADA's fic right now, and I see a few changes I could make. Such as: 1-I should rule, 2-I should rule magnificently, 3-I should rule magnificently with greater power than the foolish Pharaoh could ever imagine, 4-…**

**Atem: Tomb Robber what do you think you are doing?**

**Having fun, what's it look like?**

**Atem: That you're a complete fruit who needs to get a life.**

**Ha! Only to the untrained eye!**

**Atem: …**

**Anyway, where was I… oh yes 4- I shall rule magnificently with greater power than the foolish Pharaoh could ever imagine and I would eat cherry pie, 5-…**

**PADA: Bakura! Get away from my fic! Shoo!**

**Humph, fine, be that way…**

**Sorry about that. This is PADA and thank you for all your reviews! I wish I could thank you each specifically, but I have to do this really quickly, so you know… But here you are: Chapt 6! Yugi, I have to go. Will you please read my fic to our viewers?**

**Yugi: Sure. Okay. PADA's gone, so here we go…**

"…" **speaking. '…' thinking. **

**Chapter Six: Aussie Visitor and Monday Notices**

_Knock knock knock knock knock_

'Why won't that stupid door shutup?' Atem wondered blankly. 'Oh wait, there's probably someone there huh? Ok, think Atem. What do you do when someone's at the door? You tell Yugi. Right, oh, but this is Kaiba's house. I guess I tell Kaiba then. But it's late so-'

_Knock knock knock knock knock_

'Argh, shut up you dumb door! Oh, that person's probably still there. I guess I tell Kaiba. Or should I answer it? No, Kaiba said he would kick me out if I did. But it's late. Maybe I should just-'

_Knock knock knock knock knock_

"Alright, alright. I'll get Kaiba, Mr. Door. Okey-day?" he tells the…door. (can you really blame him? His brain is over 5000 years old so he's not exactly the brightest person in the world. Plus he's really tired, and let's not forget, he is a yami and all yami's are a little crazy) Atem walks to Seto's room and opens it. "Hey, Kaiba!" he whispers loudly. Seto groans. "Kaiba!" he says a little louder.

"Mphh. What do you want?" Seto asks sleepily. He looks at his clock. "What the heck are you doing? It's freakin 3:00 in the morning!" he half yells half whispers.

"Mr. Doory-Door wants you." Atem tells him, now half-asleep.

"What's wrong with you?" Seto then hears the knock. "Oh, someones at the door. Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?" He gets up and walks toward the front room.

"I didn't want to wake Mr. Sink and Mrs. Microwave… and little Susie Spoon and Timmy Fork… and let's not forget baby Pete Lightbulb. Or grandpa Bob Staircase." Atem begins to tip over but steadies himself before he falls.

Seto just stares at him. "What the hell are you on?"

"Mostly those white round things you keep in your top drawer."

"Ugh… you know that you only take one or two right? I gave those specific instructions- take one or two with water if you need to."

"Yes, Kaiba, but you forget that I don't listen to instructions or heed to anything that sounds even remotely like your voice."

"I noticed." Kabia walks over to the door and opens it.

"Hello, Seto Kaiba." a gruff voice says.

"Aw, crap. Why are you here?" Seto groans.

"Who is it Kai- oh." Atem looks to see a big blonde guy standing in the doorway. "Raphael…"

"Pharaoh. What a pleasant surprise." Raphael says noticing the crimson eyed teen (or so it seems) behind Seto.

"Why are you here?" Seto asks again, rather annoyed.

"We came to drop off this idiot. He got Dartz mad so we were told to leave him at the Pharaoh's house but apparently he wasn't home."

"Gee, how did you know? You're so smart, I'm surprised Einstein hasn't come back from the dead just to congratulate you." Atem says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"And you're such a dork… that… that… oh, shutup!" Raphael mutters.

"Ha! You were unable to come up with an insult to match my wittiness. You fail! You're a failure in life!"

"Shut up you 5000 year old fruitcake."

"Both of you shut your holes!" shouts Seto angrily.

"You hear that? Even Kaiba thinks you're a failure, oh failing one."

"Dense!"

"Failure!"

"Idiotic Butt nugget!"

"Son of a motherless goat!" (1)

"… … … WHAT?"

"Pshh… don't act like you didn't hear me, fool. Everyone knows. Don't you dare try to deny it."

Seto rolled his eyes and groans. "Will you idiots please stop that annoying sound protruding from your mouths? Now who were you going to drop off? Not that I care or anything, but since I do need to do some community service hours, he can sleep in the basement. But who is it?"

Raphael pulls Valon out from behind his back, who waves nervously.

Seto sighs. "Whatever. I suppose this will pay off my hours that I need."

Raphael throws Valon into the room, gives a glare to Atem, and shuts the door.

Valon gets up and dusts himself off. "Well, if that wasn't rude I dunno what is. Oh 'ello mates. Nice shirt you got there, Kaiba. And, Pharaoh. I love your boxers. Aiy?"

In truth, Seto isn't wearing a shirt. Just grey pajama bottoms. (Seto fangirls scream and faint again and this time Kirby don't own comes in a zamboni (2) and pushes them into a pile) Also, Atem is wearing a dark red shirt that says "Jesus Loves Pharaoh's Too" and black boxers. They both scowl as Valon laughs.

"Just kidd'n. But anyway, I sleep in th' basem'nt? Al'ite. I don' mind. Better than bein in the middle 'f Dartz's fury. So, where is th' basem'nt?"

"I'm going to guess downstairs you Aussie freak. Now go on before I change my mind." Seto growls.

Valon nods and heads down the basement stairs. "Oh, and I have to staut goin back to school stauting tomorrow. Apparently it's like a law or something." he says as he goes down.

Atem stretches. "Well I'm gonna go to bed. And I get to sleep in. Hahaha!"

"That is where you're wrong sir. See, my brother is home schooled, but since I have a bunch of things to do at work, Seth takes care of that. But Seth is going to be driving other people around tomorrow, so that means you, that white haired freak, and blondie get to teach my little brother his lessons. Got it?" Seto tells him with a smirk.

Atem lets out such a long sigh that he almost passes out, but manages to breathe in again. "What? Are you effing kidding me? I know nothing of these modern day teachings."

"Well, too bad. Looks like you're stuck with the job. And I'll have to warn you." Seto grins evilly. "Mokuba is **very** hyper in the morning." He laughs as he walks off to bed.

Atem trudges back to the attic and plops onto the floor across the room from Bakura. 'Great… babysitting and teaching. Joy…'

**Well, that was interesting. Anyway… hey Bakura! Come one, this is my job… WHA-**

**Yes, I have taken over once more! Bwahahahahaha! Poor wittle Pharaoh. NOT! Oh, yes and review and die!**

**Yugi: Uh.. don't you mean review _or_ die?**

**What? How dare you question my judgment! Off to Canada with you!**

**Yugi: AUUUGGHH!**

**Now where was I. Ah yes, REVIEW! Ahahahaha! AHAHAHAHA-**

**PADA: Bakura, stop frightening my viewers. Jeez, that's the last time I leave you by yourself with my fics.**

**Sorry, what do you want me to switch back? BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO! Ow! Fine, hey ow! You don't have to pinch. Ra, that freaking hurt! Here…**

**Ah. That's better. So my kind reviewers, please R&R. And I know this chapter wasn't great but next one will be better, I promise. And if it's not, well then-**

**Bakura: (singing) To hell with you and all your friends! To hell with you and all your friends!**

**Stop listening to my music! Ugh… But next time on Yu-Gi-Oh… CHAOS! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Oh dear, I think Bakura is starting to rub off on me… oh well. **


	7. Rise and Whine

**OOOO. Reviews… pretty…**

**Marik: Don't follow the lights.**

**Malik: That's right. Follow the darkness. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sigh…**

**Hrm. But thanksees for the reviewsees. I guess this would be chapter… let's see, seven. Coolishness. **

**Seto: I am a rich snob who hates everybody except myself. Plus, I wear thongs.**

**That's very interesting Kaiba, I'll keep that one in mind.**

**Seto: Well you better!**

**Atem: Why is the sky green?**

**Weevil: The age of destruction is here… heh heh.**

**Rex: Soon your soul shall be offered to the great beast.**

**Atem: Oh. See, I thought it was something weird. But if it's just the Orichalcos come back from the dead, well then I'm all for it.**

**Yugi: What? Pharaoh, I thought you had passed all this. **

**Atem: And now for the ancient spell of… magical summoning awakening something or other: **

**_Rays of light are frozen still. _**

**_Time shall flow without a will._**

**_When history has long passed been,_**

**_The Orichalcos shall rise again!_**

**(A/N: I made that one up myself. Bogus, but I don't care.)**

**(Orichalcos music plays and seal appears on Atem's forehead.)**

**Atem: All your souls are belong to me!**

**Great, now we have this guy to deal with. Hey Duke, do the disclaimer and you can be in my story.**

**Duke: Don't threaten me…**

**Sorry.**

**Duke: Ahem. **

**Atem: Yes, fool?**

**Duke: Not you! Anywhay, PADA don't own nutin. Including Yugioh.**

**Thank you for pointing that one out Duke…**

**Chapter Sevvie: Rise and Whine**

_BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!_

"Mmph…"

_BRRRIIINNNGGG!_

"Whaa?"

_BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!_

"Kaiba! Shut off your Ra-damned alarm clock!"

_BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!_

"KAIBA!"

"He's in the bathroom Malik."

"Then why don't his other roommates shut it off?"

"Joey and Tristan wouldn't wake up if we were being sucked into a tornado at the same time as there was a 9.0 earthquake and a hurricane."

"How about Mokuba?"

"Same thing. I would do it, but I don't know how to work one! Atem won't let me keep one in the house!" This is apparently Yugi, well hopefully anyway.

_BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!_

Malik grumbles as he gets out of bed and goes over to Seto's room, grabbing a sledgehammer on the way over.

"Look out below!" comes a cry from above as he walks near the stairwell.

_CRASH! _(lot's of sound effects huh?)

"What the hell? Augh! Pegasus!" screams Malik as a body crashes into him.

Footsteps are heard coming down the stairs, along with another _BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!_ from Seto's room.

"C'mon Bakura, let me try!" Atem calls from upstairs.

"No way, baka!"

"Who's a baka?"

"Why I believe that it would be you."

"Then you have been greatly deceived."

_BRRRIIINNNNGGGG!_

"Arg! I'm coming! Stupid thing."

Malik walked over to Seto's bedroom.

_BRRRII- SMASH!_

"What was that?" calls Seto from the bathroom.

"Bakura and Atem just killed each other!" Malik answers.

"Oh. Ok."

Actually, Bakura and Atem are dragging Pegasus' body back up the stairs. Then they throw him down again. This time however, Pegasus wakes up. "Ooh! I love this game. I always play it with my cartoon friends at home! Throw me again Bakura-boy and Yugi-boy!"

Atem and Bakura look at each other and then back to Pegasus.

"Crap. You're not supposed to enjoy it! Now, you shall suffer!" Bakura gets a pail out of nowhere and starts pelting Pegasus with water balloons.

Suddenly, Valon comes up the stairs. "What going on here? Now see here mates, I don't think-" A water balloon hits him. "Oh, dear Ra! Well, so much for that shirt." Valon takes off his shirt… and… and… mph… OMYRAVALONJUSTTOOKOFFHISSHIRTWHOOHOOTOOBADHEDIDN'TDOTHATINTHESHOWWOW! (I faint from happiness.)

**Atem's POV**

Well, the authoress just went down. I guess I take over or something. Haha die Pegasus!

Uh oh, Kaiba just walked in, and he's yelling at me. What did I do? I'm just redecorating his house. I have great taste. Hmmph. Well, I don't really have to listen. I'll just turn my thoughts to my favorite place in the world. New York. Only been there once, but I've been to a lot of other places in the past 5000 some odd years. Including the after-life. Why I was sent back to earth is beyond me. I guess there was some technical difficulties with me and the three baka's being there. And we were only there for two months after my hikari beat me in a duel. I so let him win though. When I came back, Yugi was happy to see me again but… ahh, Time Square. That's the happiest place on earth, no matter what those Disneyland (PADA doesn't own) commercials say.

Oh, looks like he's ending his lecture. Just nod. There we go. Now he's handing me… books? I didn't ask for books.

"Kaiba, what-" I begin.

"Those are for Mokuba's school work. You guys have to teach him his math, english, science, and history. I don't want to hear any complaints. I'm gonna go wake the other dweebs up… Pegasus! What are you doing?" Seto says.

Pegasus is staring at Valon. "Hmm…" he says.

Valon looks at him and yelps. "Ugh! Get away! Get away!" He runs down to the basement and then comes back two seconds later, fully dressed and ready. Weird.

Kaiba rolls his eyes and heads to his room. Yugi walks in.

"Hi Yami. Where are Joey and Tristan?" he asks me.

Now I roll my eyes. "Duh, Yugi. They're asleep. You should go help Sir Moneybags wake them up."

"Don't call names Atem. That's not exactly very nice." He goes to help Kaiba.

"I told you he's making you soft." Bakura says from behind me.

I scowl. Soon, Joey and Tristan's voices can be heard.

"Hey get away! It's only 6:00!"

"I think we have to go to school Joe."

"What's school? I didn't order any school? This is nonsense! Yugi, get me a peach!"

"What?"

"You heard me. Go on!"

Yugi walks by with a confused look on his face.

"Malik! Stop! Sledgehammers are dangerous!" yells Marik from the next story down.

"Not as dangerous as this!"

"Augh! Where did you get the rod?"

"I pulled it out of my butt! Where else?"

"Sorry I asked."

"You better be."

"Stop! That's a door! MALIK!"

I wince as I hear a crashing sound and see a little cloud of dust come up the stairs. By this time, Joey and Tristan are already up, Seto is waking up Mokuba, Yugi has walked by about three times, each time with a different fruit, and Seth is in the bathroom. Bakura runs downstairs to see what happened.

"MARIK AND MALIK! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT RUNNING IN THE HOUSE? ESPECIALLY OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES! ARE YOU TWO DENSE OR SOMETHING? DEAR RA JUST GET UP AND GO GET READY!" Ishizu is already down there, yelling at the two. I smile. Stupid baka tomb keepers.

Seth runs out of the bathroom and down the stairs. "Hey Ishizu. Need help with those two? If you do, just ask me and I will give you anything you need."

"Thanks Seth. I think I got it this time though."

"Ok, hey do you need a ride to school? I can take you in Seto's Lamborghini." (Me own Lamborghinis? Ha!)

"Really? Cool. See ya guys. We're off."

"Ishizu! Don't go with him! He's mad, MAD I SAY! MAD!"

"I'll be fine, Marik. Bye."

I sigh. So, boring… Must do something. I get up and walk to the guestroom that Yugi stayed in. Woah. Ryou's still asleep? I guess I should wake him up.

"Ryou! Up! School time!" I say.

He doesn't budge. Interesting.

"BAKURA! COME GET YOUR HIKARI UP!"

Bakura comes into the room. "Don't worry, I the great King of Thieves shall awaken my light, because others such as yourself, do not hold the skills necessary for this task."

"Just get him up."

"Fine. Ahem…RYOU! RISE AND SHINE! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ARS AND GET MOVING! NOW! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

Nothing happens.

"All right, Ryou, you asked for it. RYOU! WATCH OUT! THE CHICKENS HAVE COME TO ATTACK! THERE MUST BE BILLIONS OF THEM!"

Ryou jumps up. "Where! Get them away! Get them away!"

Bakura just pulls him up. "Go to school. That way you can learn about stuff and I get to do evil things."

Well, it looks like everybody's up. Including the authoress…

**Regular POV**

Well, that was odd. Thanks for taking over Atem. Anyway, I'm going to skip ahead about ten minutes. Yup, there we go.

"Go to the car! Let's see, the Mutt, that Tristan guy, Ryou, Midget Man, Pe-gay-sus, so that's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, hey! Where is that stupid Aussie?"

"Right here, Rich-Boy. Learn to count something besides money."

"I don't want to. Now get in there. I have to take you all to school since freaking Seth took off with his girlfriend. And you three!" Seto points to Atem, Bakura, and Malik. "Mokuba better have learned something by the time I get back, or else!"

He shuts the front door. The three yamis look down at Mokuba, who looks back up at them.

"So, here we go I guess." Malik says. The others nod, and thus starts Mokuba's school day.

**There we go. Chapter seven is complete. Now, I will go steal the Seal of Orichalcos card from Atem. **

**Atem: No! I will steal your soul! Hahahahahaha!**

**Listen, Atem. I am your dark angel. I shall decide your evilness, and it will not be this. Now hand over the card and you shall get pie.**

**Atem: Well, ok. (Seal leaves Atem) Mmm… pie.**

**There we go. Please R&R if you want pie! **

**Bakura: I didn't get any!**

**I'm sorry. Maybe next chapter. **

**Bakura: Maybe next millinium…**

**Yeah, I know.**


	8. Mokuba's New Teachers

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Let's see… that's pie for CrimsonFaeSorceress, Knight-Goddess, Atemu's Lover, and ShadowDarknessDragon. Enjoy! (hands pie) Oh, and SDD: Yeah I know that Malik is the hikari. But the problem is, I just figured it out like three days ago. I hope nobody minds if I keep the names the same. But anywho, so Bakura, Atem, and Malik are now taking care of Mokuba. But did you notice that someone else is still in the house? Gasp! Spooky. (wind howls through trees and a full moon comes out, revealing Tristan to be a werewolf)**

**Joey: Aha! I knew it!**

**Yugi: That was… strange.**

**Tristan: Darn. I thought the curse was broken. Serenity, kiss me and I will become your Prince Charming!**

**Serenity kisses Tristan and the curse is broken. They ride away in a pumpkin carriage and live happily ever after in Hobbiton.**

**Bakura: Hmmm…**

**Yes, well, anyway. Can somebody read the disclaimer for me? Pretty please?**

**Everyone: …**

**IF YOU DON'T YOU SHALL ALL DIE A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE DEATH AT THE HAND OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER! **

**Anakin: Ahahahahahahahahaha!**

**Atem: No, no, no. It's Muahahahahahahahahaha! Get it right.**

**Anakin: I apologize. Now come, and I shall teach you the ways of the Force. (gets smacked by the Sith Lord) Ouch. I mean umm, the infernal ways of the Sith and evilness yet to come. Yeah…**

**Atem: Sweet.**

**Bakura: I'm coming too!**

**(Bakura and Atem go with Anakin to become members of the Sith)**

**Will somebody ELSE read the disclaimer?**

**Yugi: I'll read it PADA.**

**Aww, how cute. Thanks Yugi, you're the best.**

**Yugi: PADA does not own Yugioh or Star Wars, which was mentioned above. If she owned any of them, I would shoot myself, ask Malik to send me to the Shadow Realm, have Joey's Red Eyes Black Dragon eat me, hang myself and begged to be whipped with a cat of nine tails.**

…**. … … … Gee, thank you so much Yugi. That was incredibly congenial of you…**

**Yugi: (cheerily) Your welcome!**

**Anyway, now that I am scarred for life... heheh… umm on goes the story…**

**Chapter Eight: Mokuba's New Teachers**

Mokuba, Atem, Malik, and Bakura are all sitting in the front room, looking over the school books.

"So, this is math, huh?" Atem says, flipping through one.

Mokuba looks over his shoulder. "Uh, no. That's my english book."

Atem blushes and sets the book down. "Yes, well. Close enough…"

Malik snickers. "Smart one, Pharaoh."

"Shut it."

"SO Anyway! What do you start with first." Bakura asks, wanting to get this over with.

"My science." replies Mokuba, holding up another book.

Malik blinks. "Science ey… Oh, look what time it is! It's 7:53! I'm gonna go start breakfast." He hurries out of the room.

"Stupid baka…" growls Bakura.

"Uh, yeah. So what are you learning in science?" Atem asks.

"The periodic table."

"Really? What grade are you in?"

"I don't really know, but I'm about twelve so I think it's seventh." (a/n: I'm making him 12 in here. Everybody's a bit older since I'm saying the whole Yugioh show is done. For example, I'm making Yugi 16, Joey 17, Kaiba 19, etc etc. Mostly I'm making up the ages but moving on…)

"Right. Ok, so what are these little symbols?"

Mokuba looks at Atem. "You don't know? Well, how are you supposed to teach me anything then?"

Atem shrugs. "That's what I told your brother."

"Let's just watch TV then." Bakura flips on the set.

"Argh! You know how to work that too? Dammit!" Atem growls.

"Haha! The Pharaoh doesn't know any modern day technology!"

"Mmghf… whoah. Did you here that?"

Bakura doesn't look up. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to "here." Please press one to leave a message. Press two to learn how to speak. Press three to be smacked across the head. Or you may just hang up and try again later."

Atem sighs. "Did you **hear** that?"

"Hear what?"

"That!"

"What?"

"THAT NOISE!"

"Oh, **that **noise. Well, you should specify yourself next time. But no, I didn't hear anything."

Atem is fuming. "Must. Remember. Anger. Management. Policies…" he mutters through clenched teeth. He goes up to Yoshi (don't own Nintendo) and kicks him half way across the country of Slovakia.

Mokuba walks up to him. "Woah, how did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Kick Yoshi across Slovakia?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we live in Japan."

"You're point being…"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"… … … what?"

"You just said you don't know!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just right now! You said I don't know! Why did you say that?"

Mokuba looks confused. "Uh, I don't know what you mean, dude."

"Just right now! Do you not remember? Come on!"

Mokuba pats Atem on the shoulder. "It's ok Atem. Everything will be all right. Just calm down." He walks away while Atem stands with a bewildered look on his face.

"Hey! Breakfast is ready!" Malik calls from the kitchen.

They go in to see what he made. Bakura gags from the smell.

"Holy monkey pie! What the heck did you make?" Atem asks while covering his nose.

"Sausage, oatmeal, and fried zucchini !" Malik grins as he plops the mixture onto a plate. He hands it to Atem.

Atem pushes it away. "No! I will not eat such vileness!"

"Uh, Malik. Why did you mix the three together?" asks Mokuba.

"Well, I hadn't planned on it. They were on separate plates, but then it all fell to the floor. I just figured if I mixed it together, it would look better."

"SUFFACATING! CAN'T BREATHE! THE STENCH!" Bakura grabs an oxygen tank and inhales.

"Well, that's great Malik. But did you forget that we have to eat it?" Mokuba tells him, a little perplexed.

"Of course not! Here you go, eat up!" Malik shoves some of the "food" into Atem's mouth.

They all look at the former Pharaoh. At first he keeps a straight face, but after about five seconds, he starts to turn green.

"Hey, you ok?" asks Mokuba.

Atem nods yes. However, he suddenly falls to the floor and start twitching in nausea while gasping in short breaths. He lies still for a moment, then jumps off the ground and runs to the bathroom.

Bakura and Malik bust up laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! That was great Malik! Good show, good show!" Bakura and Malik high-five each other.

Mokuba frowns. "C'mon guys. Treat him a bit nicer."

"Ah, he needs to lighten up! After all, he's not the pharaoh anymore. He should learn how to take a joke." Malik snickers.

Atem comes back in with a look of repulsion on his face. "That was not funny, you degraded and loathsome crap bucket. I could have died."

"Oh well."

Atems scowls.

"Come on, Mokuba. Let us go learn this wonderful thing called "history"." Bakura and Mokuba go back to the front room (did that make sense?). Atem and Malik follow.

"So," says Atem when they sit down. "What kind of history is this?"

"Um, American history." Mokuba replies.

"…ok. American history huh? And we are in Japan. But I guess that evens out with me kicking Yoshi across the Slovakian border. What's this?" Atem points to a picture in the history book.

"That's Abraham Lincoln. He was the 16th president of the United States and was president during the Civil War, which was a war between the northern U.S., called the Union, and the southern U.S., called the Confederacy. He was president of the Union. The president of the Confederacy was Jefferson Davis. The Civil War lasted four years, even though people thought it would only last two months. The total number of deaths in the Civil War are almost as much as all other American wars combined, causing it to be the United States' bloodiest war. It lasted from April 12, 1861 to April 9, 1865. About three million Americans fought in it. Homes were destroyed as were cities. It was fought at first to restore the Union, but as time went on, it was fought to free all slaves and stop slavery. Eventually, the Union won, and slavery became illegal. But anyway, Abraham Lincoln was the 16th president of the United States, if that's what you wanted to know." Mokuba suddenly stops. He looks around at the three yamis.

Atem stares at him. "O…k…"

Bakura raises an eyebrow. "Doesn't he already know everything he needs to?"

Malik nods and shuts the book. "Well, that was great. Now, moving on-"

_Crash!_

Mokuba jumps up. "What was that?"

"Well it sounded like a crash, but you never know. I could be wrong." Bakura responds.

Malik walks over to the hallway. "HEY! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at school!"

Marik comes out. "Yeah, well. You're supposed to be dead, but do you hear me complaining?"

"Yes…"

He shrugs. Atem grabs him. "Hey leggo!"

"Why aren't you at school?"

"Cause I don't wanna go! That's why!"

"Right, I see. Well you have to, so move it."

Marik looks to his yami for help, but Malik just grins evily.

"Fine, I'll go. Whatever. The day's half over anyway." Marik walks out the door, kicking Malik in the shin on the way out.

"OUCH! He'll pay for that…" growls Malik.

Atem sighs. Bakura suddenly grabs a knife and wittles out a wooden figure in about three seconds. He places it on the ground, then carves another. Making them face each other, he starts talking.

"Hello Bob. Hello George. Bob and George are going through a walk in the park. Doo doo doo doo doo…" Bakura moves the figures to make it look like they are walking. "Suddenly, they hear a sound. 'What's that?' they wonder. The sound gets louder, and then-" He pulls a chainsaw out from behind his back. "The world's most evil villain, Mr. Texas Chainsaw Massacre Man, comes and attacks them! 'Save me! Save me!' they cry. But alas, their pleas for help were of no avail. Their heads are chopped off and they writhe on the ground in their own blood, which is splurting out everywhere. But their disembodied heads go on a rampage…" He slices off the heads and makes them fly around. "…and kill everything in their path. They destroy cities and crowds of men, women, and even children. The streets are stained with the blood of the innocent peasants. Then Bob and George live happily ever after." Bakura pauses, then sets the wooden "heads" on the ground.

Atem stares at him, his eye twitching. He looks up at the clock and sighs. 'Five more hours till the others come home…' he think. 'Five more hours…'

**Heh heh heh. That was fun. Anyway, please review! I'll continue after 2-3 more reviews. Oh, and concerning the Civil War part: I can't believe I remembered that much about it. We're learning about it in school right now, along with this two week Washington DC trip we took in March, so I just decided to vent my knowledge. Fun. Well, I guess that's what happens when you're in eighth grade, which is by the way, the grade I am in. As of now, that is. In two months I will be in HIGH SCHOOL! Now I have a question. Is it weird to like Yugioh in high school? I don't know. See you next chapter, or something like that…**


	9. ChunkECheese's

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I haven't updated for so long! But I have one now! Don't kill me, just put the gun away… that's it, there you go. Ooh! Guess what? I just started reading the Yugioh manga and it's like 10000000000000000 times better than the anime, complete w/ knives, guns, drugs, alcohol, and cussing. The whole works. Ahem. Moving on: and now… the update. (curtains raise, update comes out doing a dance. Dance ends, people clap, Bakura lights the theatre on fire and everyone inside dies.) BAKURA!

Bakura: It was annoying.

Sigh. Well, anywhay, thanks for the reviews everybody. Now for the disclaimer. Atem, would you do the honors?

Atem: Only if you promise not to get back at me for T-P'ing your house.

Ok, I- YOU TP'D MY HOUSE!

Atem: Oops… (runs away)

How about you Noah?

Noah: I dunno…

C'mon. It will add to your cuteness, along with your blue hair.

Noah: Ah, what the heck. Sure.

I don't think that PADA owns Yugioh or any other brand name item. But then again, I was trapped in that ra-damned virtual world for so bloody long, you never know what could have happened. CURSE YOU FATHER, no, CURSE YOU GUZABERO! (if that's the way you spell it) I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! (stabs Guzabero with a rolled up hundred dollar bill)

Guzabero: No! Benjamin Franklin has turned his back on me! (falls to ground dying) How…could you…betray me… my precious… money… ugh. xx (dies)

Yes… anyway, on with chapter 9.

**Chapter Nine- Chunk-E-Cheese's**

Immediately after Atem looks at the clock, five hours pass.

'Well, that was quick.'

Seto comes in holding Joey and Valon by the hair. Everyone else follows behind him.

"I don't care how much you two hate each other. If your going to fight, don't be so dramatic about it. Just beat each other up or something. Seriously, it ruins my reputation. Are Atem and I that dramatic when we fight? No!"

Atem interrupts. "Well, actually Kaiba, there was that one time about two months ago. Remember?"

_Flashedback_

"And this is the spinal cord, which travels up to the neck-"

(my bad)

_Flashback _(there we go)

Atem is walking down the street, listening to the rhythm, listening to the beat… well not really. But hey, it's possible. DON'T QUESTION IT MAN!

Anyway, so he is… walking. How exciting huh? But then he trips! Gasp!

He gasps, just like I just did. "Gasp!" he gasps in a gasping manner. And just because he feels so gasp-like on this glorious Saturday afternoon, he gasps again. "Gasp!" he gasps. "Who dares to trip the almighty king of Egypt?"

He turns, looking for his suspect. The person who he sees is none other than Seto Kaiba.

"Oh, so it is you. None other than Seto Kaiba."

Seto sneers. "Well I do believe so. And guess what, I've been sleeping with your sister."

Atem is taken aback. "No. It can't be. She is the only family I have left. How can you do this to me Kaiba? Now I must break up with you!"

Seto looks at Atem with pleading eyes. "No! I am sorry my love. Forgive me my actions!"

Atem shakes his head. "It's too late. Now I am going to make sobbing noises without really crying."

"Do not do that, oh sweet. Will you not forgive me?" Seto reaches for Atem's hand.

Atem slaps him. "How can I? Sure, we were never in a relationship, but I will make a big deal about it anyway. Now leave my sight!"

"Fine. I shall go off to France, where I have a million girlfriends who each think they are my one and only. Of course, then they will all meet each other, and then they will all slap me and break up with me, but I am such a jerk that I don't care. And now I will leave by walking approximately six paces to the northwest, look back into your eyes, and then turn and leave." Seto walks off, turns, and then walks away entirely.

Atem sighs. Then a plumber walks up to him.

"I have finished your bathroom, sir." the plumber says. "Would you like to make out?"

Atem scowls. "No! What do you think I am? You swine!" He smacks the plumber and walks away.

(_End Flashback_)

Everybody looks at Seto and Atem.

"Weird…" Marik says.

"Yeah." mutters Joey, smoothing his hair back into place.

Seto just sighs. "Whatever. Anyway, we're leaving in two hours to go out to dinner since we're out of pizza."

Bakura makes a face. "What's with pizza all the time?"

A pizza rolls by and stops in front of Bakura. "Pizza all the time! Pizza all the time!" it sings. It does a little jig and rolls away.

Everyone blinks a hundred and eighty two times.

"Well now. Look here. It's been two hours so we should be going." Seto shoves everyone out the door and they pile into the limo.

They arrive at their destination. THEN THE WORLD IMPLODES!

Well not exactly. Instead, they get out and go into the restaurant.

"Uh, Yugi?" Atem nudges Yugi as they enter. "What is this place?"

"Chunk-E-Cheese's."

"Right…"

Bakura looks around with wide eyes. "Flashing lights, arcade fights blaring sound over me. Big mouses, little kids in my eyes." (I love Green Day. But I didn't copy their words. So there!)

"Those puppets scare me." Malik says looking towards a row of dancing mice, ducks and some form of mutated creatures.

"Don't worry you guys. Chunk-E-Cheese's is supposed to be weird. You can go play the arcade games while we wait for our food." says Mokuba.

Seth shrugs and gets up. "All right. Let's go you three." He motions for Bakura, Atem, and Malik to follow him.

"Hikari, what are arcade games?" Atem asks Yugi, confused.

"They're games where you usually kill things with guns, swords, or fists. Or there are others that you race with. If you win, you get tickets to buy prizes with. Here's some tokens to play the games." Yugi gives him a handful of tokens.

"You kill things? Kind of odd for a kid's restaurant. Do you shoot people outside the game?"

"Dear Ra, Yami, no! It's virtual!"

"Virtual! Like when Noah trapped us in the virtual world? Don't worry everyone I will save you from your frozen fate!" Atem gets into a dueling position. "Now I summon… FIST OF FURY! DIE!" He swings his fist around and hits Chunky the mouse in the skull. Chunky falls to the ground.

"Augh! It's mutant!" cries Atem. When he finally calms down he looks around at everyone. They all blink at him.

"What?" he asks. They glance at one another and then back at him.

"I'M NORMAL!" he shouts at them. Seth grabs his arm.

"Right, ok. Now let's go." The four yamis go to the games while the others wait.

"I'm bored. There's nothing to do. Why do we just have to sit here? I want to go somewhere else. Yugi's hair is poking me in the side. How long does it take the stupid pizza to get here? What is the meaning of life? Why-"

"SHUT UP WHEELER! I TOOK YOU FOOLS HERE TO GET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE! ALL YOU HAVE BEEN DOING IS COMPLAINING! NOW HAVE FUN, DAMMIT!" yells Seto at Joey.

Everyone sits with their eyes wide. Everyone, that is, except for Joey. He sticks his tongue out at Seto, defiantly.

"Ha. You can't boss me around. I've got kick-ass homies who can tear you up. Of course, their all in New York, but who gives?" He plays around with his fork until it slips from his hand and hits Valon in the face.

"Ouch!" Valon yelps. He growls and grabs Joey's neck, choking him. "Why you little-"

Meanwhile with the other crazies, Bakura is smashing on the hit-the-gophers-with-a-hammer type of game… with a real hammer. Then there's Seto and Malik, who are destroying the soda machine because it took their dollar and isn't giving them their soda. Atem is yelling and cursing at two little five year old kids who accidentally made him lose his focus in a "House of the Dead" game (don't own), which he also lost at.

Seconds later, a couple of security guards are holding Bakura in their grasp, the Chunk-E-Cheese Manager is chasing Seto and Malik around the place, and a dozen of the mothers in the restaurant are smacking Atem with their purses.

"I cannot believe you guys got us kicked out of Chunk-E-Cheese's!" Malik shouts at the four darks as they ride back to Seto's mansion 10 minutes later.

They all glare at each other. "He started it!" "Liar!" "Who's a liar?" "You're the only liar I see!" "Next time look in the mirror!" "If he did that, it would break!" "Shut up!" "All of you shut up!" "Just cause you don't know how!" "I know more than you, baka!" "Don't you dare call me a baka!" "It's true!" "What? That your adopted!" "Am not!" "It's true. That's the only reason you got to be Pharaoh!" "…"

Everybody looks into the back of the limo. Atem is glaring at Malik, who has a smirk on his face.

"Take…that…back!" Atem growls while clenching his fist.

"Never!"

Atem's eyes flash. "Oh, yeah? Well, do you remember Battle City? You know how Marik changed into your form? I think he looked better in his original state!"

Malik gasps and he clenches his teeth. "No! I won't believe it. You know I'm much sexier than he could ever be!"

"You wish!"

Marik has a sweatdrop ten times his own size.

Ishizu groans. "Enough you two! Malik, take back what you said about Atemu. Atemu… uh… I guess your fine, but apologize anyway."

Atem sneers.

"You hear that, ugly? You have to take back what you said about me. Go on, let's hear it."

Malik rolls his eyes. "Ok, your not adopted… Atemu."

"Don't call me that!"

"Ishizu does!"

"That's cause Ishizu's hot and she doesn't try to take over the world!"

"The Pinky, the Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!" (no, I don't own Pinky and the Brain, or Animaniacs) sings Tristan and Joey. Everyone anime falls.

"What'd you say?" Seth glares at tri-color haired yami and grits his teeth. Ishizu just blushes.

"Nothing Seth." mutters Atem, still eying Malik.

"Now we're back home, now, you idiots! Now go too bed now, now!" Seto tells them annoyed.

"It's always now with you Kaiba. Why can't it ever be later? What's wrong with later?" Ryou asks while tilting his head in a Ryou sort of fashion. (Ryou fan girls: Awwwwwww!)

"Because I called it."

Yugi shakes his head. "Nah, ah. **I** called it. You just don't know it yet."

"Whatever. It's 11:30… somehow. Get inside and to sleep. Oh, and Atem and Bakura. If your going to torture Pegasus, at least keep it physical. Do not say anything that would hurt his homosexual feelings, no matter how much you want to. I want to too, but he was bothering me all day about how you told him that his dead wife had come back and wanted to talk to him, but you told her that he wasn't around. He kept asking me to buy him a Ouija board so he could contact her." Seto tells the two yamis.

"Oh, those things never work…" mutters Roland, who had been driving the car.

Seto looks at him precariously and the butler straightens up and salutes.

"Where is Pegasus anyway?" Mokuba wonders out loud, glancing about.

Valon and Joey clear their throats. "Umm, I think he's still in the parking lot at Chunk-E-Cheese's." answers the Aussie, grinning sheepishly.

Seto looks like he wants to strangle them. "WHAT? Why is he there?"

Joey shrugs. "He said that Funny Bunny would come pick him up and take him to the land of Wine and Cartoons. Then he ran into a tree… after I pushed him into it…"

The older Kaiba rolls his eyes. "Let's just hope he doesn't come back then."

Suddenly, a Mercedes Benz (yet something else I do not own) drives up with Pegasus in the passangers seat. The driver is… Funny Bunny.

Pegasus climbs out and the car drives away. "Ooh, that was so much fun! Kaiba-boy, you should have stayed for the ride. Oh, and look who it is. Joey-boy! You know Joey-boy, people who push other people into trees go to hell. You really should be more careful from now on! Ah **ha** hah…AH **HA** HAH!"

A hole suddenly opens up in the ground and swallows Pegasus, taking him the land of No Alcoholic Beverages and Reality.

Everyone simply stares at the ground.

Malik giggles. "Hee, hee. Look at that bug. Hee, hee."

Marik glares at his dark. "Behave!"

They go inside and into their rooms. But when Yugi walks into his room, he sees a very unpleasant being laying on his bed.

"I HAVE RETURNED FRIENDS! AND I HAVE BROUGHT ALL MY FRIENDLY WAYS OF FRIENDSHIPPING FRIENDLINESS ALONG!" it calls out.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" cries Yugi as he runs out of the room. "IT HAS RETURNED!"

**Well, thus ends another chapter. Please R&R.**

"**Somebody set up us the bomb."**


	10. Questionable Occurances

**Thanks for your reviews. They were very helpful and nice and whatever else you want them to be. And once again, I'm so freaking late on updating. Seriously, the world will probably end if I update two days in a row.**

**Bakura: That would be cool.**

**Yugi: To you maybe. But I would like to reach puberty first. (frowns at the sound of his own voice)**

**Joey: Da only ting you should worry 'bout reaching is da top of a yardstick.**

**Tristan: Hahahahaha!**

**Yugi: I thought you were my friends…**

**Tea: I'm your friend!**

**Yugi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!**

**Hrmm… moving on. **

**Disclaimer: I'm tired of this. From now on, the Chapter will do my job, and I'll do the chapter's.**

**Chapter: WHAT?**

**Disclaimer: You heard me. Now, let us begin.**

**Cha… I mean Disclaimer 10- Questionable Occurrences**

Everyone is staring at the horror that is…Tea.

"W-what's she doing here?" stammers Ryou, hiding behind Bakura.

"Come one friends! Let's be friendly and happy in friendship and do friendiful things like friendship friendliness!" Tea shouts gleefully. She runs up and hugs Yugi, who starts to cry.

Atem tries to pry her off. "Get your Ra-damned hands off my hikari, Witch of Amity!"

Tea just laughs and dances around. She then grabs Atem's hands. "Come on friend I will show you the way of the friend and friendship will be our path to love!"

Malik and Bakura burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! Atem and Friendship-girl sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" they sing.

Atem glares at them. "Malik and Bakura, how you will pay. In hell you'll burn this VERY DAY!" He struggles from Tea's grasp but she grips his wrist again.

"Atem, don't be so unfriendly-ful. We're all friends here." She smiles as he looks around at everyone in pain.

"What my question is, is how did she manage to escape from the Shadow Realm?" ponders Seth.

"She must have some sort of magical friend power or something." mumbles Marik. Suddenly his face lights up. "THAT'S IT!"

"What's it?" asks Mokuba.

Seto glares at his younger brother. "You know what Mokuba? You know what? I'm sick of your attitude!" He drags him out the door. "Now begone!"

"But big brother… you said you'd always be there for me." sobs Mokuba while looking up at Seto.

"I. Changed. My. Mind. What do you thing about that?" He slams the door.

"I think that you can't use merely one word before ending a sentence because it would not have both a noun and verb and therefore would not be a complete thought, now feel my KNOWLEDGE!" comes a voice.

"Who said that?" asks Ishizu glancing around.

A girl with blonde hair and glasses comes in. "That would be me. Me: pronoun, meaning the objective case of I, or in some cases used colloquially as a predicate compliment with a linking verb."

Joey held his ears. "Stop! Stop! Too…much…intelligence!"

Yugi's eyes widen. "Rebecca!"

Tea stops smiling. "WHAT?" she growls. The two girls glower at each other.

Rebecca pushes her glasses up and smirks. "Oh, now don't utilize an interjection tone of voice with me. My aptitude of intellect and understanding outweighs that of your pathetic, ineffectual mind by more than you can possibly perceive. Why don't you now compose yourself into a tranquil status of mentality, for I do believe that this would be the superlative, if you don't mind me saying."

Everyone just stands there, staring at her. Except for Bakura, who seems to have an interest in lightbulbs.

"Hee hee. It's so round and shiny. I want to touch it… DAMN IT BURNS!" He holds his hand and stepped away from the hot, bright glass.

Mokuba somehow sneaks back into the house. "Marik, what's it?" He is immediately shoved back out by Seto.

"Why don't you go get yourself kidnapped or something, so that I can be a jerk and pretend to be willing to commit suicide for you?" Seto mutters.

Mokuba grins. "Ok!" He is suddenly kidnapped by Bam Margera and Tony Hawk, who take him on a World Destruction Tour. Thirteen years later, he is the most famous skateboarder in the world. Three years later a cement mixer runs over him and he dies. Then God (this has nothing to do with religion whatsoever) presses the "rewind" button for the purposes of this fic, and Mokuba is only kidnapped by a mayonnaise jar and a bottle of ketchup… for no reason at all.

"What? Oh, right. Hey Yugi, come hither." Marik motions for the two to come toward him.

Yugi looks perplexed. "Hither?"

"Hither: also meaning- here." Rebecca chirps. She smiles and looks around. "That definition was made especially for my boyfriend."

Joey and Tristan gag.

"Come here!" Marik growls.

Yugi manages to get himself away from his "girlfriend's" grasps and go over to Marik who gets him in a two man huddle. (is that even possible? o.O)

After a few seconds they break out. Marik looks at Yugi.

"Time to do your stuff."

Yugi nods. He goes over to Rebecca and clears his throat.

"Rebecca, I'm gay."

Rebecca stares as everybody else tries to hold back their laughter and comments. Well, almost everybody that is.

"O RA, YUGI! YOU'RE GAY? I KNEW IT, I SO FREAKIN' KNEW IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SO THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED ME TO SPARE KAIBA'S LIFE AT DUELIST KINGDOM! (can you guess who it is?) But, ew. I had to live with you… inside you! I HAD TO LIVE WITH A HOMO! Well, I guess it's not as bad as living with Michael Jackson… (he shudders violently at this point) but YOU'RE GAY YOU'RE GAY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!"

Everyone turns their attention to Atem, who is having some sort of laugh attack.

"Uh, Pharaoh. This is your hikari we're talking about." Bakura tells him, though he is also laughing somewhat, mostly at Atem's folly.

"I know! That makes it even more ironic because I'm not gay! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yugi, you never told me this! If you had, I probably would have like DIED or something. Then again, I'M ALREADY DEAD! Hahahahahahahahaha! Ugh…" Atem suddenly sways to the side. "I don't feel good…" He passes out.

Tea bursts into tears. "Oh no! My lover, Atem is dead! We were going to have a big wedding and invite all our happy friends from Happy Friendship Land! Woe is me. WOE IS ME!"

"SHUTUP!" Ishizu yells at her. "Can't you see he's not dead, you freak? Although he'd rather be dead than be around you!"

"That's not true!" Tea cries. "He loves me, I can smell it!"

Marik smirks. "What would get you to believe that he doesn't love you?"

Tea sniffs. "If he tells me himself."

Meanwhile, Rebecca is in shock. "Y… Your gay? Yugi, no!" She starts to cry.

Yugi flashes a grin to Marik. "Yes, I am afraid it's true."

"Who do you really love then?" she asks looking up at him.

He pauses and bites his lip. "Why… uh…. M- Michael Jackson of course. He's gay too, right? My yami just said that."

Michael Jackson pops in. "I'm not gay!" he shouts as he fends off a lawyer.

Bill Clinton comes in as well. "I did not have sex with that woman!"

Britney spears suddenly falls through the roof. "I don't lip sing!"

Bakura speaks up. "Well, while we're all on the subject of lying, I didn't flush Ryou's Ashlee Simpson poster down the toilet." (actually, I think Ashlee Simpson is cool. Apparently Bakura doesn't though.)

Ryou's eyes get wide. "Bakura, how could you?"

"Well, it was rather simple. First, you rip off the wall, then slip it into the toilet, then you use the toilet brush to get it all down, and finally say 'Ahh' in relief."

A bunch of people come in and start doing a little dance, while saying "Rip, slip. Brush, ahh… Rip, slip. Brush, ahh…"

Seth looks around. "It's getting a little crowded in here…"

Seto gets a large metal rod and clears everybody out. "Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Death to the media!"

Bakura and Malik also grab rods and start smacking random people. They sing this song while their at it (lyrics made by me, my brothers, and my cousins)

"Get hit…

With a rod of iron across your face!

Until it feels good across your face!

And there's a bloody pulp upon the floor!

And then you ask for some more!" (you can also insert 'chain of steal' or 'mace of grace', which by the way makes no sense at all, in for 'rod of iron'. Either way, it works.)

Malik looks at Bakura. "The authoress sure is weird."

Bakura nods. "I know, seriously."

Then they were struck by lightning. Again. And again. And again. They look up with their fried heads. "We're sorry! We're sorry! Please forgive our words!"

Another lightning bolt.

"And we'll clean your room and do all your math homework forever!"

More lighting.

"…and… we'll buy you the boxed set of Family Guy!"

The lightning stops. A girl's voice comes out of the sky. "You mean that one show I don't own? Hmmm, which season?"

Marik tries to shrug, but fails miserably. "The…cough… first… season? Cough."

"Wrong answer." This time, a flaming meteor hits him.

Bakura moans. "All… the seasons… Your Highness. The day they come out."

"That's a good boy." The two are miraculously healed in 0.027 seconds.

Ryou looks up. "Are you the authoress' yami?" he asks.

"Oh contraire. I am her light. The normal authoress is probably somewhere thinking up a way to buy as many Alkaline Trio Cd's (don't own) as she can before her parents find out. And I don't even want to know what her dark side is doing…"

_**Juvenile Hall**_

My yami (name unknown) is arguing with the guard. "What do you mean it's illegal to build nuclear and atomic bombs in your cell? It's my cell! I should be able to do what I want!"

Three guards try and grab her but she uses her dark magic powers to blind them, and then stabs them to death with their own… flashlights.

"What a mess. I guess I'll have to find another cow to make a new leather jacked. Too bad there's not many left from that farm down the street…" She shrugs and walks out of the building.

_**Seto's House/ Mansion/ Whatchamacallit**_

"Wow. PADA has three sides to her. And you're her light too." Yugi says, his eyebrows raised.

"Yes." the voice says. "But I must be going now. I'm not allowed to talk to the characters for too long."

Rebecca is still crying. "No, Yugi likes guys. Now he can't love me… or can he?" She looks into Yugi eyes. "Do you love me, Yugi?" she asks, pleadingly.

"Heck no foo. Whatchu think me out to be? Some cheap rip-off affectioner? Man, I am da gansta from Gansta City."

Everyone looks at him weird.

"That means no."

Rebecca suddenly falls into a portal of Unintelligence and UnYuginess, screaming "MY BOYFRIEND WILL SAVE ME!" on the way down.

Marik grins and gives Yugi a high five. "All right. One down."

Joey stares at them. "You mean, Yugi's not gay?" The two nod. "That's a relief."

They turn toward Atem on the floor and see Tea above him. She is leaning over him, forcing his mouth open.

"Ok, Atemu-mu. Time to give you your mouth-to-mouth resuscitation." She leans over him and puts his lips on his just as his eyes shoot open.

His eyes widen. "GET OFF ME, YOU WHORE!" He shoves her off and scoots over towards Seth, hiding behind him. "Cousin, save me!" he whimpers.

Seth just laughs. "Oh, Atem. You have to be a little tougher. I mean, you're gonna have a lot more challenges like this and- HOLY CRAP!"

Tea suddenly lunges at him, shoving him out of the way. "Come on, Pharaoh! You know you love me! Friendship binds us together like fireworks and half-melted plastic army men!"

Yugi grinned. "Hey, I did that once. Didn't work out too well though. My grandpa wasn't too happy about that whole 'game shop catching on fire along with all the customers inside it' thing."

Atem darts around the room, trying to get away. Marik suddenly catches him by the arm.

"Pharaoh, I have a plan." he tells him. 'Mission Impossible' music starts playing in the background. Fortunately, it stops when Mokuba smashes a hammer through the stereo system.

Seto grabs his little brother's throat. "Damn it, Mokuba! What have I told you about playing with hammers?"

"Only… do it… around… Joey and… Atem!" he gasped.

The older Kaiba stops and pats Mokuba's head. He also grabs his hair and chucks him out the window. "Good. I'm proud of you!" he shouts after him. At this point, Joey grips Seto's throat.

Atem looks at Marik after he hears what the Tomb Keeper's idea is. "You're positive it'll work?" he asks.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Atem just stares at him.

"Ok… well whatever. Besides those times. Just trust me. Look, here she comes. Now go!" Marik shoves the ancient Egyptian into Tea.

"There you are friend! Let us be friends and more in a friendly sort of friendship and friendliness!" She snuggles Atem.

The Pharaoh pulls her off. "Tea, there is no such thing as friendship!"

Seto jumps up and down. "I knew it! Who's the man, who's the man? Uh huh uh huh uh huh!"

Tea pauses. "No… such thing? But… friendship… FRIENDSHIP!" She cries and suddenly falls headfirst into an abyss of Unfriendshipness and NonAtemuness.

Everyone sighs in relief-

_**SIGH!**_

-as Ryou checks his watch.

"Ah, what the bloody hell? It's already freaking 8:00 in the morning! We're not going to school, are we?"

"As long as Yugi's not gay. I don't want him hitting on me." Atem muttered, shivering.

"No, he's not gay. Although I don't know about that guy over there…" Malik said, pointing to a guy outside. The guy waved to him.

"I like to touch myself… but not there! Hardy har har!" he yelled at them. Seto immediately shut the blinds.

"I guess you don't have to go to school. But what are you going to do?"

They thought about that. Yugi's face brightened.

"Let's have a party!"

**Chapter: (sigh) PADA doesn't freaking own Yu-Gi-Oh, or much anything else in this fic, except for the story idea. And I want my bloody job back! (sob)**

**Too bad. Aww. Little Yugi, always coming up with the greatest of ideas.**

**Seto: You call that GREAT? It's my house!**

**Don't be so selfish, Seto Kaiba. Learn to share.**

**Malik: (singing) Sharing is caring…**

**Bakura, Atem, and Marik: (also singing) And it can be fun!**

**Seth: Arr, matey.**

**O.o … ok, right. But _GASP! _A party, eh? Fun. And yes, there are still people not in the story to invite. So, R&R! And stuff like that. Oh, and, umm… eat your vegetables, uhh, don't break the law, and, let's see. What's another important rule to follow…?**

**Atem: Don't soil yourself!**

**Marik: Too late.**

…**interesting…**

**P.S. If any of you out there are actually homosexual and found offence in this chapter, I apologize. I wasn't making fun of you. Also, if you were offended, don't be. Television, books, etc, make fun of Christianity a lot, and I'm not offended.**

**P.P.S. The above postscript was not meant to be of any religious view or values. I was only trying to beg no offence from my viewers. Thank you.**

**Yugi: Your welcome.**

**Shut up.**


	11. Duel

**Hey guess what! It's my birthday! Yay! (dances around) Sadly, we didn't do a whole lot to celebrate, but me and my cousins and a couple friends got together and played LOTR: Third Age and SSM Melee today. Nothing really special. It was fun though. And I got lot's of money, which is the best present you can give someone. Who knows, I might be going to Knott's sometime next week. But anyway, on with the story.**

**Thanks for the reviews, guys… and gals… guyals. O.o But moving on, I was thinking of doing pairings for my fic. Not to the extent that it will be all romantic and-**

**Bakura: Thhhhpppptttt! (raspberry)**

**SILENCE! But, yeah, so I don't want it to be like that, but maybe if you want you can make a couple of suggestions. I've already got the Seth x Ishizu one. Should I leave that? And what other ones should I do, if any? Here's my list of guys and girls, and if you have the time and the heart, say who should be with who in your-**

**Atem: Thhhhpppptttt!**

**Bakrua: THHHHPPPPPTTTT!**

**Atem: _THHHHPPPPPPTTTTTTTT!_**

**WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU MORONS DOING?**

**Atem: He started it.**

**Bakura: Oh, don't give me that, Pharaoh. Is that what you did when you were fighting wars or whatever as King? Just pointed to some other country and said, 'He started it?'**

**Atem: Only twice… and it actually worked rather well.**

**Bakura: Coolness.**

**That's absolutely amazing. Now go… lick yourselves.**

**Bakura: OK!**

**Well, as I was saying, if you want to see any pairings, mention them in your reviews. Here's a list of the guys and girls. Do what you want w/ it.**

**Seth, Bakura, Valon , Seto, Atemu, Joey, Duke, Tristan**

**Mai, Ishizu, Serenity, Myself? (this is a maybe. I might not even be in here.)**

**There you go… yeah. That's good. Unless you want…**

_**TEA AND REBECCA**_

**back. **

**But seriously folks. Oh and one other thing. This might sound weird, but, ahem… I do not hate Tea.**

**Atem, Yugi, Bakura, Ryou, Seto, Seth, Mokuba, Marik, Malik, Ishizu, Joey, Duke, Tristan, Serenity, Mai, Noah, Valon, Alister, Dartz, Raphael, Big Five, Iron Heart, Christ, Pegasus, Grandpa Mutou, Shadi, Odion, Professor Hawkins, Bandit Keith, Rex, Sieg Lloyd, Leon Wilson, Vivian Wong, Weevil, Pharaoh Akunumkanon, Priest Akunadin, Mahado, Isis, Karim, Shada, Shimon, Mana, Kisara, Bobasa, Gebeluk, Hasan, Dark Akunadin, and Zork: _HOLY CRAP! GAAAAAAASSSSSSPPPPPPP! _(all faint)**

**Rebecca: (pushes up glasses) I knew it.**

**Yes, it is true. And that took freaking forever to write those names down. Maybe I just should have said, 'Everyone but Rebecca'…**

**Zork: Well I guess you should have, then!**

**Die! (stabs Zork)**

**Bakura: I'm free!**

**Iron Heart: And no longer evil. Here, let me cure you of all your badness.**

**Atem: Run Bakura! He did that to me, and then I couldn't go on anymore killing rampages!**

**Bakura: Augh! (runs away)**

**(rolls eyes) This is an effing long intro so I had better start now. But yeah, I actually like Tea… in the manga anyway. And she's ok in the uncut version. However, in the dubbed version, I can't stand her. Just for your notice. Rebecca however, needs to be shot. (Takes a rocket launcher and hands to Malik) Will you do the honors?**

**Malik: Sweet. (fires rocket at Rebecca. Rebecca explodes, sending her guts flying and her ginormous brain into oblivion.) Victory is mine!**

**Disclaimer: Crap, I had to take this job back. But… (sighs) as you may have seen in the other chapters, PADA doesn't own YGO or anything else with some sort of name brand or what not.**

**Chapter… ELEVEN (dun dun dun!): Duel **

Yugi and the others have to somehow persuade Seto to let them have a party at his house. So they do it in the most kind and loving way possible…

"NO! DON'T FLUSH IT! DON'T FLUSH IT! MY POOR MONEY!" Seto cries as he clings to the bathroom doorknob in despair. Yugi, Ryou, and Marik are inside, pretending to flush all Seto's credit cards down the toilet.

"Then let us use your mansion for our social festivities!" comes Ryou's accented voice.

"No!"

"Well, here goes another one then!" yells Yugi. A swilling sound is heard as the toilet handle is pushed.

"STOP! PLEASE!" Seto bangs on the door.

Atem, Bakura, and Malik are watching from the hall, smiling at their hikari's actions.

"I'm so proud of them." says Bakura, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Me too." Malik agrees.

"We have taught them well." comments Atem. They all laugh quietly as they see the elder Kaiba fall to his knees and sob as he thinks of his precious money floating in the sea.

After a few minutes, however, Seto finally gives in to their request.

"Ok," says Yugi, who is making the plans. "I listed the jobs for each of us to do. Take a look."

List of Jobs (boy, he got really creative with the name, didn't he)

Food: Yugi, Ryou, Ishizu, Seth, Tristan

Supply Shopping: Malik, Atem, Bakura, Seto

Cleaning: Joey, Valon, Marik

Phone Calls (other guests): Mokuba

While Valon and Joey go into conniptions about having to work together, Seto glares at Yugi in a very glary type of fashion.

"Stop glaring at me so glaryingly, Kaiba. It's too glare-like."

"I can glare if I want to, Mutou. I am the King of Glares."

Atem interrupts. "Umm, I hate to break it to you… psych. I would love to. But, as I was saying, I am actually the King of Glares."

Seto looks at him. "Oh, yeah? How?"

"Well, there was that one time when I was dueling Pegasus in Duelist Kingdom… oh, and then there was that one other time with you, before I dueled Pegasus. And, let's see, oh yes. There was the duel with Malik, and even that one time where Mai was dueling Malik. And also the duel with Raphael, and that was a really good one too, seeing how I had the whole Orichalcos (oh, right. Cause I'm going to know how to spell it.) thingy going on. Remember that one, Yugi?"

"Heck yeah. That was a good one. Of course, my soul was taken away soon after…" Yugi says.

"It's your own fault. Ooh and of course the one with Weevil, and Dartz, and Bakura, or Zork, I guess. So, looks like I got you beat."

Seto thinks about that. "Whatever. What are you not the King of?"

Atem shrugs. "I don't know. I am King of Cruel and Unusual Punishment, King of Weird Hairstyles, Former King of Egypt, King of Basketball (can you just imagine that?), and of course, King of the Annual Nile Scarab Beetle Races. Which, by the way, Seth, you still owe me 73,000 pounds for." (1)

Bakura turns to Seth. "You bet him 73,000 pounds? You know he always drugged his beetle to make him win."

Seth scowls. "I'm sorry. I didn't know he would do that, seeing how he was only **three** at the time."

"I guess the only thing I'm not King of is King of Theives, and King of Games." Atem told Seto.

They all went quiet.

Ryou tapped Atem on the shoulder. "Uh, you are the King of Games, dude."

Atem turns to him and shoves his hand away. "BACK, ADVERSARY OF AMEN-RE! YOUR WORDS ARE BLASPHEMY! MAY ANIBUS IMPLEMENT NO MERCY UPON YOUR KIND! YOU ARE A FOLLOWER OF SET, AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH! OSIRIS AND ISIS SHALL BESTOW THEIR REPRISAL UPON YOU! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" (2)

Ryou looks at Atem with wide, frightened eyes. "S…s…sorry… 'Temu."

"You are forgiven. Now, it is true that I am not the King of Games. Yugi is."

Yugi grins. "Daaaaaaaaamn straight."

"But!" Atem sneers and wips out a deck of duel monsters cards. "That title can be easily removed to my benefit."

Yugi and the others gasp. "You mean, you will duel me to win back your title?"

"Daaaaaaaaamn straight. Now let's get it on."

Mokuba hits the gong with the hammer. 'Bonnnnnggggggg!' (heh heh. Bong…)

"Mokuba! What have I told you about ringing gongs before people duel!" Seto asks Mokuba, sounding rather annoyed.

"Sorry ani.(3) I just couldn't help myself."

"I gave you your treatment."

"I know, but the sensation just somehow sneaks in. It's a great feeling, you know."

Malik looks at them. "Silence, fiends! I want to see this! It's like the Ceremonial Duel all over again, except this time I'm actually around to watch it. Stupid baka Pharaoh, sending me to the Shadow Realm…" He starts muttering something about how Atem stole his leather jacket after he won the duel between them.

Yugi puts on his 'game' face, whatever the heck that would be, and agrees. "Alright, Pharaoh. It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-"

"Oh, be quiet and let's go." Atem sits down at the kitchen table and sets up his deck. Yugi does the same, as everybody else comes to watch.

Yugi smiles when he sees the cards in his hands. 'Great.' he thinks. 'I have the perfect strategy. First, I'll do… then, oh, that's a great card. I can put that in defense and then attack with this one later. I'll use this magic card my third turn, and use this card to combine these two monsters!'

Atem is indifferent as he looks at his own cards. '… I wonder what Ishizu would look like with a bikini.' He raises his eyebrows. 'Or better yet…'

He looks at Yugi. "You ready?"

"Of course." Yugi nods. "Ore makenai." (4)

"Whatever you say, hikari."

"You don't believe me? I truly won't. I believe in the heart of the cards. It will guide me."

Atem just shakes his head and smirks. "Don't be a fool, Yugi. There is no such thing as the heart of the cards."

"What? But… but you said…" Yugi is taken aback. "You always said it was real!"

"That's cause it was in the Ra damned bloody script! Now come on. Omae no time." (5)

Yugi blinks. "O…ok. I guess. Uh, I play Dark Magician in attack mode."

Atem shakes his head again. "Oh, darn. You got me there. I play Obelisk the Tormentor in attack mode. He attacks, Dark Magician dies."

"Crap. I play Horse Raider in defense mode."

"Alrighty. I play card destruction. We both discard our entire hands."

"You know, Atem. I will not give up. Even if you get me down to one point, I will keep on fighting!"

Atem nods. "Uh huh."

"I believe in my friends and in myself!"

"You go ahead and do that…"

"If you think that for one minute, I'm going to stop fighting, well then you're wrong!"

"I have all the cards to summon Exodia."

"I beat you once before! I can defeat you again!"

"Exodia just destroyed all you're life points. Ore wa katsuda." (6)

"… oh. Well ok then."

The others looks at each other. "That was quick."

"Yeah. I'm also the King of Luck…"

**(1)- pounds are like Egyptian dollars**

**(2)- Amen-Re: Highest of Egyptian gods**

**Anubis: ancient Egyptian god of the dead**

**Set: Egyptian god of chaos/evil chaos, slayer of god Osiris**

**Osiris and Isis: Osiris is the god of the underworld and of vegetation, was killed by his brother Set, Isis is Osiris' wife**

**(3)- ani: older brother**

**(4)- Ore makenai: Ore means I, makenai means not lose**

**(5)- Omae no time: your turn **

**(6)- Ore wa katsuda: I win **

**One of my least favorite quotes: "Get on the line." If you've played basketball, you probably know what I mean.**

**R&R!**


	12. The Broccoli Must Die

**Tum tee tum tum tumm… what to do today? What to do? Well, I guess I could work on that story that I was writing. How long has it been since I updated? Three days? A week? Let's see here…o.0!**

**HOLY CHRISTMAS TREES AND PERMANENT MARKER SMELLS! It's been that long? Jeez….**

**Anywhay, moving along. I have come to bestow upon the lands, from the north to the south, from the far reaches of the Pacific, to the outmost regions of the Atlantic, to the infinite stars in the sky, into the great depths of the earth, among the-**

**Bakura: WILL YOU HURRY UP!**

**Oh, Bakura, don't be such a pushy-pushy.**

**Bakura: o.O A pushy-pushy…?**

**Atem: You heard the girl. SHUTUP!**

**Joey: MAKE ME!**

**Atem: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, YOU BRAINLESS WASTE OF SPACE AND OXYGEN!**

**Joey: Oh… what are we doin' again?**

**Seto: I believe you were shutting up.**

**Joey: Riiiiiiigghhhttt…**

**Hmm. So, yeah. On with the story, then. Oh, and also, you might see the word PADA in some chapters. Those were my former initials. Kay?**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Yugioh, why would I be writing fan fics about it?**

**>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>**

**Chapter 12: The Broccoli Must Die**

So, after the wonderful duel that takes place, all the peeps go back to party mode. Yugi plans, Bakura gets drunk, Seto sits around on his butt sulking, the whole works.

"Hikari, I don't think you letting me go with Kaiba and those other two morons is such a good idea." Atem tells Yugi.

"Don't worry, Temu. I'm sure it will be fine. Now where's Mokuba? He's supposed to call everybody."

"Oh, last I saw him, he was messing around with the blender. Of course, that was after that scream, just a moment ago…"

Yugi turns to the Pharaoh. "WHAT? Why was he messing around with the BLENDER?"

"He was trying to, and I quote him, 'Destroy the wickedness and vileness that has been upon us for countless centuries.' Whatever it was, it was green."

Yugi is about to say something, but pauses when he sees Bakura dancing around in the backyard, singing, as it's raining, with no clothes on.

"Holy ewoks…" he says, a demented look on his face. "RYOU!"

Ryou hurries in, soaked. "Yugi, have you seen him?"

"Quite a bit more than I want."

Ryou turns his head. "Oh, no, Bakura!" He runs off.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The 'green' Atem saw is definitely more than just a color. No, it is in fact, the annihilation of all the human, spirit, elvish, and, er… Swedish (?) 0.o, races in the world, nay, the UNIVERSE! And though little Mokuba has the right idea, such depravity cannot be done away with so quickly and easily.

After the greenness, also known as General Nokanndi sends Mokuba to his awful fate, of which cannot yet be confirmed, he retreats to the rest of his soldiers.

"All right, you bunch of girl scouts!" he begins, pacing the inside of the plastic bag. "We've got one smartass out there who's figured out our little secret. Thankfully enough, he's just a little elementary-schooler. Our real enemies are as follows: Lex Luther, Goth Boy, Mr. Luther's doppelganger, Mr. Insanity, and Sir Killalot. Now, we'll go in groups. Eckstrawite and Soopurcleen, go with Kavateesgonn. Viteiman, you'll go with Gudphoru and Hellthie. Brusshyerteath and Uesphloss will come with me! Any questions men?"

Gudphoru raises a hand. "Uh, are we really considered men?"

"That was discussed LAST TIME, Mr. Gudphoru! If you don't pay attention, YOU WON'T GET ANY ANSWERS!"

Gudphoru stands silent.

General Nokanndi grins. "All right, let's go. Smiling faces!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Meanwhile, during the Council of Vegetables, another stranger is lurking, this time outside the house. It isn't raining any more, though it is rather windy, but in any case, he comes out from behind his hiding spot. He darts from tree, to bush, to dog, to baseball bat, back to dog, then to the side of the house, where he watches the kitchen silently.

He pulls his hat down to shade his eyes, and draws his coat a little closer around him. Looking about, he lifts his 'watch' to his mouth and speaks.

"Chucky, you there?"

A boys voice comes back on the little radio. _"Yes, sir. I'm here. And for the last time, could you please not call me Chucky?"_

The figure grins, his magnificently white teeth shining. "All right, li'l boy. Do you know all the plans? I told 'em to you before I left and you couldn't have possibly forgotten them."

"_Don't worry, sir. I don't have that short of a memory, although it could have helped to write them down-"_

"Now li'l boy, why write something down when it's just so much easier to store 'em in that head of yours? Uh, I'm gonna head on in soon. Make sure to tell 'em to me, ok Chuck?"

"_Sir, honestly. I just told you not to-"_

"For the love of Fudgediddlers, kid! We don't have much time, so I need you to hurry!"

'Chucky' sighs. _"Yes sir…"_

"That's the spirit, Chucky."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A yell erupts from the living room, followed by sounds of choking. Then hysterical laughter. Then more choking as the hysterical laughter was cut off. Seth waltzes into the room. No, that doesn't sound right. Even if he **is** only the past life of Mr. Kaiba, he probably wouldn't do such a thing as 'waltz'. No, no, that won't work at all. I suppose he could walk, but everyone walks, and quite frankly, it's rather overrated, in my opinion only, no doubt. Well, I suppose we'll have to go with bursts, though I don't really know what kinds of an explosion that would cause…

At any rate, Seth… comes… into the room.

"Oh-my-God-I-think-I-am-about-to-die-from-excitement."

"Shutup Valon! You betta worry 'bout dyin from lack of oxygen!" Joey shouts, getting the Aussie in a headlock while trying to wipe his owneyes.

Malik, who from now on will be the hikari, though the two weren't the most pleased about switching name tags after all this time, just grins, spraying the two with Windex, of which is getting mostly in Joey's eyes, leading to the fact of 'wiping' as stated in the above paragraph.

"WILL YOU CUT DAT OUT!"

"Nope." Malik keeps spraying.

Seth, who had forgotten his purpose for being there, until now of course, grabs the two using his mi**ghty SUPER EN_ERGY POWER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**

Then he tells them to shutup and get back to work.

The standard aged boys comply without hesitation.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Mokuba!" Seto calls for the umpteen-billionth time.

"Kaiba, I doubt he's going to answer." Yugi sighs. They have been looking for the boy for the past twenty minutes and have seen no signs of him whatsoever. Well, at least no signs in Kaiba's opinion. Yugi did happen to point out a bright red one that said, 'Mokuba: twenty feet from current location'. There was one that Atem, who had come with them, told him about. It was neon orange and stated quite clearly, 'HOLY CRAP HE'S TWO INCHES TO YOUR LEFT' but Kaiba said that he didn't like orange, and went to the right instead.

So now they are on the roof of the three-story mansion, a thirty-foot drop below them. This is exactly when the northeastern wind decides to poke its little head up, and blow.

WOOSH!

The three obviously fall. Sort of, that is. Thanks to Kaiba's anti-gravitational coat, he floats safely to the ground, snickering at the fate of the others on the way down, and looking very much like a rather uncanny and demented Mary Poppins while doing so.

Also, thanks to the Pharaoh's magical power of being able to live inside a puzzle for three millennia, he retreats into his soul room, the golden artifact finding its way into a curve of Seto's supernatural attire, and also landing safely upon the ground.

Therefore, Yugi was the only one to be truly hurt, what with two broken legs and all. But because he is the central focus of the anime, he is given the power to self-heal, and also the expertise to levitate while doing so. In the end, no one was really physically impaired in any way, shape or form, and, in the long run, this section of the story serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The greenness is marching. They will come. They will come…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

But before they come, let's go back to the man in the other coat, which may or may not defy gravity depending upon the weather. I don't know, ask that cow sitting next to you, who's reading over your shoulder.

Heh, gotcha.

Anyway, the man has finished his dartings and what not, and is now looking for an open entrance. He has come across more than one guard, dog, and guard dog, and makes a great deal of use out of his cane upon each occasion.

"Charles. You're still there right?"

Charles/Chucky/Chuck sighs again. _"Yes, yes I am." _He had gotten use to his mentor calling him differentnames nowand again over the past three years, seeing how he was so busy with his 'work', though one could never be sure how such activity could be called such a name, but this was getting ridiculous.

"And you do know how to read?"

"_Sir, I'm in 9th grade. Yes, I am quite sure I know how to read by now."_

"Oh, good! Now, read me the first step, seeing how you seem to have forgotten it already."

_"I'm sorry, sir. It's just, well, one of your workers decided to mess around with one of your machines, and, well you know the rest. It's a good thing I talked you into getting that computer, or else we would have no more plans. Though I'm not quite sure why you didn't tell me that you typed them up in the first place."_

"Ok, Chucky, ok. I just, er, forgot, yes, that's it. And don't worry, I will have my serviceman severely punished tomorrow, or whenever it is I'm coming back."

_"And we all know how severe your punishments are sir. Ok, step one… infiltrate Seto Kaiba's mansion."_

"Working on it." The man looks at the window, from the left side of the house. It is rather large, taking up almost the whole wall of the room. From here, he can see what looks to be the three stooges, only these are younger, looking to be in their teenage years.

'Buncha weirdos,' he thought.

"_Sir?"_

"Hold on, Chuck. Ok, ok. I've got an idea. Stand back."

_"... don't worry."_

The man grabs a rock.

"_What are you doing?"_

"I'm going in."

"_How are you planning to get in?"_

"Very carefully." He throws the rock. Surprisingly enough, to some people anyway, the window shatters. And seeing how it is Mr. Kaiba's house, an alarm goes off.

_"Sir, did you just throw a rock through Seto Kaiba's window?"_

"Uh, yeah."

_"It shattered, correct?"_

"Yup."

_"And now an alarm went off and the police are probably coming for you right?"_

"Most likely."

_"… congratulations, sir."_

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**Heh, wow. This chapter got completely out of hand, and in all the honesty of the monks and nuns in the world, I don't know what's going to happen next. I wasn't even thinking about broccoli when I started out, except to use as a mere title for this section, which I actually got from a Family Guy episode. So, if it gets really weird, you can thank my imagination. Also, can you guess who the guy is? Put your thoughts in your reviews, I mean, if you want, seeing how this is a free country and all…**

**Oh, and yes. The names of the 'soldiers' do actually have meanings to them. Look a little closer.**


	13. The Man Outside the House

**Haha. Nobody got who the guy outside the house is. Although thanks to Kamokat, I have an idea for a little part of this chapter. (Gives Kamokat pie) But don't worry. All will be explained in this update… well, at least as much as I _can_ explain, I'll give you that. I'm also rather pleased that people understood the names for the broccoli, which by the way, was purposeful.**

**Marik: Unlike you.**

**Tea: Hey, be nice. She's my friend.**

…**no I'm not.**

**Tea: … FRIENDSHIP!**

**Atem: Dear Ra will you be QUIET?**

**Tea: No! I will teach the man outside the house everything I know about friendship.**

**Man outside the house: Well, aren't I just one providential entity?**

**Bakura: … duh, what?**

**Tea: We will be best friends! I just know it!**

**Man outside the house: Uh, ew.**

**Seto: Seriously.**

**Cereal-sli.**

**Man outside the house: Do you have any idea what cereal is made out of?**

**I'm guessing those little wooden flakes from the pencil sharpener?**

**Man outside the house: Smart girl.**

**I know. But now, I bring you… Chapter GX! The next generation of CHAPTERS! But not really, I just wanted to fool you, which I have. And so we begin. Oh, PS, just a warning. There's lot's of cussing right at the beginning of the chapter. You can thank Seto for that.**

**Seto: What?**

**Nothing, nothing at all.**

**Disclaimer: No, no, NO! Shadow of the Dead owns NOTHING! Not even her own soul. MuahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (devilish laugh) **

**Chapter 13- The Man Outside the House **

Everyone in the house freezes as the glass of the window shatters into dozens of jagged pieces. The 'three stooges', who had just been fighting again, turn their heads to find the source of the atypical occurrence, stopping when their eyes fall upon an unconventional and rather eccentric looking man. Who is outside the house. And always has been.

I swear.

Nevertheless.

Seto isn't all to happy when he walks into the room and sees the remains of what used to be his living room window. Which is actually rather unusual, because we all know that Kaiba is always in a good mood…

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE F—K HAPPENED? YOU DAMN BASTARDS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I SHOULD KICK YOU'RE ASSES RIGHT NOW, YOU F—KING B-TCHES!"

… oh.

Joey stands up. "Well, excuuuuuuuse me. What do you like, totally want me to do, man? I like, just got a maaaaaannnicure for Red Eyes' sake. I mean, like, do you like, totally want me to tryyyy and stop whatever like, person tries to break into you're, like, house? That would be like, totally, like, un-Joey-like, like, totally you know?"

Seto gawks at him. "Why don't you die?"

Joey gives a little hip shake and stares down at his nails. "Like, doesn't work man, doesn't work."

That man outside the house… comes in.

World: omigosh I _am going **to- MASSIVE EXPLOSION!**_

But…no.

"Heh heh, wow. That was really weird." the man says, grinning.

Valon looks at him, a bit too strangely.

"Why are you looking at me? Are you trying to subjugate me by means of hypnosis and incongruity of your vigilant gaze?" The man narrows his eyes. "Or are you just creepy?"

"Pfff, he's both. He's so… suh stupid an' dum… mm. Don' know nuthin'. Yuppp thas 'im aight."

Everyone except Mr. Rogers turn around to see Bakura standing there, all high and drunk, akin to the way the majority of Bakura's are typically advertised in department stores ads.

And why doesn't Mr. Rogers turn around?

_In Mr. Rogers Studio._

"Come on Trolley. Let's go to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe and… Trolley? What? What do you mean you don't want to go to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe? That's your favorite place in the world! You were just doing it for money? Trolley! I'm ashamed of you! Now let's go. That's right Trolley, you're going anyway. Why? Because I own hammers. Lot's of hammers. Hammers that can either dent your little red metal covering there, or smash you and smash you and smash you until you are completely decimated into nothing. You still won't go? What? I am going to lose my job, Trolley! All those damn little brats out there are waiting for you to get your bloody ass down to the Neighborhood of freaking Make-Believe! Wha- hey! Get your hands off me! I'm not done here, I still have seventeen more minutes on air! Oh, hey, all you little monsters out there! I've got something to say to you! You know Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? Well, they're all fake! That's right, you're parents lied to you! What are you gonna do about it? Kill them in their sleep! Yes, all of them, you rotten pigs! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

…well, not that this isn't certainly fascinating, but I do believe we possibly have other things to carry out.

_Back_

The man stares at Bakura for a second. "And who, if I may ask, is this… erm, person here?"

Ryou rushes into the room, his eyes intense with anger. Yes, that's right. Anger. What are you going to do about it? Kill me in my sleep?

…I see.

Bakura takes one fleeting look upon his light's existence within the general vicinity and rushes off, as well as he can, that is. Ryou pursues him yet again.

Everyone blinks. After such a festive occasion of the ages, Seto turns back to the man, who is no longer outside.

I swear.

Anyway, Seto gazes at him.

"Why is everyone looking at me? I mean, I guess it could be because of my implausible intellect, my surprising attractiveness, or the blinding whiteness of my extraordinary dental features. But, at any rate, it's really starting to bum me out." The man sighs.

A bunch of fangirls are gathered outside. One screams.

"OMG he siiiiiiighed! That is just soooooooo hotttttttttt!"

The other girls agree with their squeal and shouts of "We love you 'blank' 'blank'!"

The man scowls. "Ew." he mutters.

Seto grabs his shoulder. "What are you doing in my house?" he asks cantankerously. (I love that word)

The man quickly thrusts Seto's hand away and brushes off the place where it had been with his own gloved hand. "First of all, this," he waves his hands around himself, "is me. I am strictly off limits, meaning no looking, no staring, and most certainly no touching. Got it?"

_"Sir are you there?"_

"Ah yes, and this is Charlie." He lifts his wrist, showing everyone the little device. "Well, actually, no. It's not. Charlie is… somewhere, back where I come from. But, this is Charlie's voice."

Malik waves. "Hi Charlie's voice!"

"_Hello. And, I appreciate you getting my name right sir."_

"… I'm sorry, what was that Chucky? You really shouldn't mumble like that."

"…_nevermind."_

"So, where was I? Oh, yeah. Uh, so just to let you know, you are under attack."

Seto raises an eyebrow. "By who?"

"An extremely dangerous enemy, my good sir. In truth, the most dangerous enemy of them all."

Seto's interest is finally peaked. As is his uneasiness. "Tell me who."

"Why, broccoli, of course."

Everyone gets quiet. It doesn't last long, reminiscent of most all other things in the Kaiba residence.

Malik bursts out with a "Broccoli! Auuuugggghhhh! We're all gonna die, we're all gonna DIE! Flee to the mountaintops!" Before he can dart away, Ishizu magically appears and catches him by the shirt.

"Calm down brother, what can broccoli do to you?"

The man glares at her. "Uh, hello? Don't you know anything? Broccoli can suck every little bit of good, fun, and cool out of you, until your nothing but…" he shudders. "A dentist."

An icy wind seems to blow.

"Damn it, Yugi! I told you to turn off the fan! What's the point of having a hikari if you can't tell them what to do?" Atem shakes his head, disappointed.

"Sorry 'bout that Yami." He obeys his orders.

The man looks down at the Pharaoh. "And who are you supposed to be?"

"Duh. I'm the Pharaoh of ancient Egypt. I ruled 3,000 years ago, unless you go by the gay American version of our show, which would make it 5,000 years, which is just stupid in itself. I saved Egypt and the world from darkness, and I went on all these freakish adventures, although I could have just teamed up with Bakura, stolen all the Sennen items, killed him afterward with all the magic power I would have gained, and ruled the world. But instead, I have to be stuck with these geeks."

Everyone glares at him. Everyone meaning… well, everyone, because I want everyone to be in the room as of this moment.

_Poof_

There. That settles it.

The man sighs. "I meant your name."

"Ooooooooh. Well, why didn't you just saaaaaaaay that? It's Atemu. A-te-mu. Just like that. PHARAOH Atemu. Remember that one, kids." Atem smiles proudly.

The man makes a face. "Ate-moo. Sounds like a cow. What a weird name."

"Pfft. Yah right. What's your name? Probably weirder than mine."

Seto clenches his teeth. "Yes, please, tell us your name, oh good kind sir who is about to die by getting his head squeezed off bit by bit by my own hand if he doesn't answer RIGHT NOW!"

"_Uh, I think that's your cue, sir."_

The man grins. "Charlie! It's so good to hear from you! How's the old ones. Y'know. George, Joe, the others. Oh, and how's your… pah…par…pp…par…"

Charlie sighs, again. _"Parents?"_

"Well, lookie there, Chuck. You read my mind."

_"They are absolutely wonderful, sir. Healthy and fit, just like you. Except, not quite as anomalous, if you don't mind me saying._"

"…I'm sorry Charlie. Maybe you should stop mumbling and I might be able to hear you."

_ "My greatest apologies."_

Ryou, who was brought in when the great poof of time took place, leans over to Yugi.

"They kind of remind me of Seto and Mokuba." he whispers.

Yugi nods. "Or of Pegasus and Duke."

"Oh yeah. Are they still working together?" Ryou asks, still at a whisper.

"Nope. Duke quit after an… interesting occurrence that took place a couple months ago…"

_Flashback_

Pegasus is sitting at the head of his table. You know, the one you see in the show, where he's obsessing over his fudgey bunny or faggy money or runny honey or whatever the hell it's supposed to be? Yeah, well that's where he is. No questions asked, no refunds will be given 30 days after the purchase of the merchandise.

…

_**MASSIVE EXPLOSION!**_

Anyway, moving along. He's sitting there and he has this little bell so as to call in his slave…er servant… er right hand man when he needs him. He seems to have needed him for the past twenty minutes.

_DingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDing_

Duke rushes into the room, looking haggard and worn. And angry. Very, very angry.

"Yes, Master Pegasus?" he inquires, seething.

"Ooh, Dukey- boy!"

"I do not wish to be called 'Dookie' sir. Now, if you would please stick with my regular name, I might not have to kill you."

"Nonsess Dukey-boy! Nowww, if you'll, if you'll jus brin' me my w-wine sssso I may wach it, and a glasssss of Funny Bunny, we shall be off-f!"

Duke moans. "I don't think so, Pegs. You've had quite enough wine and whatever the heck you watch for one afternoon. I'm not bringing you any more."

Pegasus gets up… and falls back down again. He grabs the edge of the table as he climbs to his feet. "Nuh-no! Must have bunnies and funnies an-and ALCOHOL! Yesssss. Hahhhhh…ahhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhh."

He climbs onto the table and crawls towards Duke, who begins to back away.

"C'mere you… you… you…" He grabs for him, but obviously misses due to severe intoxication ten times over.

Duke sweatdrops and whimpers. "Not good…"

Pegasus holds up a card. "I plah-play toooon word-world. Come toon f-friendssss!"

They come, all right. In quite large numbers as well.

Duke runs, screaming down the hall, grabbing his jacket and other belongings on the way out, and vowing to have his 'Pegasus Is My Man' tattoo removed that very day.

_End Flashback_

Ryou stifles a laugh. "Ah yes, I remember that."

The man finally looks up at all of them. "Kay, you ready?"

They all mumble something unintelligible. But Ishizu looks up at him with wide eyes, as if just discovering something.

"EEEEEEEEEEE! OMG YOU'RE SOOOOOOOO HOTTTTT! I JUST WANT TO LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! IT'S LIKE HOTTTTNESSSS TO THE MAX! SOMEBODY GIVE ME ICE I CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT!"

The man just stares at her and does a nervous cough as Atem and Seth both mutter to themselves, annoyed.

"…anyway." He puts on a forced grin and pulls out a note card. "Ahem. My name is Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand… well, no actually. I don't. I don't really want to. So never mind that. But I will give you some chocolate." He hands little wrapped pieces to everyone.

They eat them, and because it's just so incredibly amazing, they faint and wake up half and hour later, forgetting everything, and having to go through every little bit again. But I won't write everything over, for that would be wasting time, and instead of committing such an immoral sin, I will close and continue another day. Thank you and good night.

**That was interesting. And I know I didn't mention the broccoli in this chapter. But hold onto your shorts, for the great battle will take place within the next update or so. Yes, indeed. And the man has been revealed, so there. Don't really know what that proves, but whatever. Oh, and because I have 56 reviews for 12 chapters, and like to have things even (e.g. 12 chapters 60 reviews) I hope you don't mind, but I'll update if I get 9 reviews. I know it's a lot, but it's really not all that difficult to do. Especially if you know have to type. That might help. R&R.**


	14. Choose Your Weapon!

**Yeah, yeah. Don't tell me how long it's been, I know.**

**Yugi: Hey it's been a long time SotD.**

**You're going to die. Now.**

**Yugi: I'm not allowed. Hah.**

**Seto: Somebody SAAAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

**Bakura: Uh oh…**

**Seto: I've been WAITING for YOOOOOOUUUUU-OUUUUUUUUU!**

**Ummm….**

**Atem: SAAAAAA-AAAAVVVE!**

**Seto: SAAAAAA-AAAAVVVE! **

**Atem: C'MOOOOO-OOON!**

… **Yes, entertainment at it's peak.**

**Willy Wonka: That was inconceivably nauseating. I think I want to kill someone.**

**Charlie: Now, now Mr. Wonka, remember what happened last time.**

**Willy: Ah yes, the Brad Pitt incident. Well, Chucky, I'll try and keep my self-control this time around.**

**Charlie: You go ahead and do that Mr. Wonka…**

**Agreed. I don't want to see any blonde heads rolling around my living room.**

**Willy: It was an accident you know. Just ask Aaron Carter.**

**Charlie: That's gonna be a little impossible.**

**Willy: …oh yeah. Heh heh.**

**Well, not that this isn't all just incredibly superb, but we're gonna have to get a move on here. Thus begins…**

**Chapter 14: Choose Your Weapon!**

**(Warning: Rated T for extreme OOCnessnessnessnessness, killing, dying, mentions of drug use and alchohol, profanity, and Willy Wonka. Viewer Discretion advised. Actually, no. Read on my li'l children. Read, and fill your minds with MADNESS! I mean, j/k lol omfg roflmao w/e kthxbye.) **

Everyone gathers to the living room, which is really not a good idea for several reasons.

_CRASH!_

"Oh, shit…" Bakura stares at the ancient glass table, now broken into worthless pieces.

Seto has a look of 'I'LL F-CKIN KILL YOU!' on his face as he enters subsequent to the ashen haired Egyptian.

"What did you just do? Dear God! That was my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-grandmother's table! It's made out of primordial rubies! That was worth millions of dollars! I'll f-ckin kill you!" He advances toward the yami, eyes full of infuriation.

Before he reaches Bakura, who, though no longer drunk, is now petrified out of his mind, Atem asks a rather simple and yet difficult question.

"How long ago was this… grandmother of yours born?"

The elder Kaiba stopped. "Uh…" He sat on a log and pulled a red t-shirt over his normal attire, grabbing a pot of interestingly yellow honey from a shelf as well. "Think… think…"

Bakura scowled at the Pharaoh. "I could have taken care of myself."

"Fine… jerk."

"Pig."

"Optomis Prime."

"Megatron."

"Ash Ketchem."

Bakura clutched his heart. "No! Not him! Anyone but him! He's the worst ever! He gives his pokemon away after he catches them, or after they're fully evolved, and then goes and get more crappy ones just to make strong, then he gives those away. All he's left with is Pikachu! Pikcachu! Who is probably like level 83195162394091247281904793 and knows solar beam! What a fool, what a fool!"

Ash comes in. "Somebody call my name, somebody call my name?"

Willy, who is rather confused by the whole ordeal, is startled by the new life form that has just entered the room. He jumps and smacks Ash upside the head with his cane.

Giggling, Ash grabs the cane and smacks himself with it again… and again, and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again…

"Think… think…"

Willy shrugs it off and goes over to the rest of the clan. "Okay, so let's see here." He pulls out what looks to be blueprints of the Kaiba Mansion and sets it on the table.

"Where did you get those?" asks Mokuba looking suspicious. And we all know what that look is. It's the cross between a monkey trying to peel a plastic banana and yourself while your wondering just why the chicken crossed the road. Was it really just to get to the other side? Or was it something more? Perhaps she just needed a new life and was going on a search to fulfill her dreams. Or maybe she needed love, someone to cherish, a rooster to care for her and hold her while she was feeling scared. One that, while holding her, would just whisper into her ear "Buh- cocckkkkhhh" all nice and soft. It could just wash all her troubles away…

"Well, Monkey-Chick, I have my ways. I have my ways. I also have the key to your Kaiba Corp. security vault." Willy grins and begins drawing on the prints.

Yugi looks over his shoulder. Or rather, climbs onto a chair to look over his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Making plans for our first battle." He turns to the rest. "Now, do you have any armor or weapons you could use? These broccoli are brutal. They're not gonna go easy, I'll guarantee you that."

Everyone shrugs. It looks almost like the ocean's waves, but only for a second.

"Seven-hundred!" yells Seto, his Pooh costume disappearing.

A hobo walks by. "I already told them that! But they denied it as a farce…" he shakes his head and keeps going, muttering about how i-Pod and Myspace will take over the world.

Atem raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"She was born about 700 years ago."

The Pharaoh backs away. "Ok… you're weird. Stay away."

Seto advances. "But you asked-"

"NO I DIDN'T! SHUTUP!" Atem jumps out the nearest glass window and runs away to Ireland.

"Yes, well, here you go." The Chocolatier shows everyone the setup. They muse over it, and a moose comes in the door.

"Uh, yeah. One of my family members got hit by a car, so… could one of you help?" asks the moose.

Bakura clouts him with a permanent marker, causing the moose much displeasure. It kills Bakura and makes it's way back out the door. Of course, no one actually dies on Yu-Gi-Oh, at least not the American version, so the Tomb Robber just pops back up, like a li'l pop-up book.

Pay no attention to the blood rushing from his ears, children. It's a tradition in his family to empty the blood out of their own heads.

"Hmm, destroy the vegetables, we must." comes a voice.

They turn around to see…

_Tune in next time, on Yu-Gi-Oh!_

Commercials!

Buy stuff for your kids, parents! Spoil them until they are helpless brats! Spend money on junk! And kids, beg your parents to buy you loads of crap! Sure they need to pay taxes and bills and for your education, but we don't care! That's why we make shit for a living! Buy or DIE!

End!

_Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh!_

**I Am Hollywood!**

Theme song plays, monsters are shown, "It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-" 

**_Bang! _**(shot)

_Enter scene!_

They turn around to see…

Yoda!

Not really!

"Pharaoh! I thought you were in Ireland." Ishizu says, looking confused.

Atem is panting and holding onto the door knob. "I was…" he gasps. "Not wearing green… pinching… hurts… LEPRECHAUNS!" His eyes grow to half the size of his head.

Yugi laughs. "Hey, he looks like I do all the time!"

Atem walks in. "Anyway, yes. Destroy the broccoli we must."

Willy gives a goofy smile. "Agreed. Here, I brought some weapons." He pulls out a large cardboard box, which is apparently his arsenal.

Bakura, whose blood is still flowing from his ears, grabs a rocket launcher as big as he is. "Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh…" is all he says.

Malik pulls out a Final Fantasy sword, which is about sixteen thousand times his own size. "Heh, alright."

Tristan pulls out a paper clip. A _golden _paper clip. Which has the eyes of Horus shaped in the middle.

"Uh, guys…"

They ignore him. After all, he's Tristan. Who likes Tristan?

"Guys, I think I found something really important…"

Yugi waves him off. "Yes, yes. We know you love Unicorns. I'm busy right now."

"But-"

"Stop talkin' 'bout Serenity's butt! Gods, I swear I'm gonna kill you!" Joey growls.

Tristan sighs. "Nobody wuvs me. Oh well, at least I have the…

_**Millennium Paper Clip!"**_

Willy grabs it from him. "Huh, how did that get in there. No one's supposed to know about that. I'm going to have to kill you now." He throws the clip out the window.

Tristan gasps.

"NO! Just for one second I was happy! Now you took that away! Just for one second, I wasn't thinking about how cool it would be to have-

_**Fairy God Parents!**_

-but alas, that second is gone. Wait, it doesn't have to be! Ah hah!"

He jumps after it and almost saves it, but it is grabbed in the air by a flying armadillo. Then he is stabbed by Willy Wonka, who covers him with scotch tape, hoping no one will notice.

No one does.

They finally choose which weapon each person will use.

Willy Wonka: Why, his cane of course

Seto: multi-flavored-and-colored candy spears (y'know, like candy canes, except… never mind)

Atem: an unbreakable dark chocolate crowbar and a candy raspberry submachine gun that shoots multi-colored gobstoppers (yeah)

Bakura: a sour strawberry candy rocket launcher that shoots explosive jawbreakers

Seth: maple sugar coated throwing knives

Malik: a chocolate Final Fantasy sword layered with caramel

Yugi: a grape gummi sledge hammer with li'l different flavored sweet tarts embedded into it

Ryou: a licorice cat of nine tails with pieces of peanut brittle in the strands

Marik: a toffee flamethrower that spews hot chocolate instead of flames

Joey: an orange gummi bow with mint candy arrows (once again, think of candy canes)

Mokuba: two milk chocolate and peanut butter handguns that shoot round white chocolate pieces

Valon: a candy apple triple barrel shotgun that shoots gumdrops (yes, triple barrel)

Tristan: well…

Ishizu: magic gum of different flavors and magicalness… nessnessnessnessness…

"Hey, uh, why's everything made out of candy and stuff?" asks Mokuba.

Willy gazes at him. "Uh, hello. I'm a chocolatier. Geez, is that all you're here for? To point out the obvious?"

"Well, I just thought-"

"I'm sorry, but if you wouldn't mumble like that, people might actually be able to hear you. Though I'm not quite sure they would want to. Kay?"

Willy looks around at everyone. "Okey Dokey, well now that we've got everybody settled we can start."

Suddenly, a break in reality occurs, like it has done so many times before. Everyone screams for ice cream. But they don't get any, so they scream because the roof is splitting open.

Willy Wonka just stares at it with his usual unfocused look, then, after understanding what's going on, grins.

"Looks like we've got a little company." he says in a sing-song voice.

Coming through the roof is… a box. A glass box, with lots of buttons, and a li'l boy. In other words, coming through the roof is the Great Glass Elevator.

And Grandpa Mutou.

A minute later, the GGE lands, and everyone is covered with furniture, roof parts, ceiling chunks, pages from Seto's diary, Bruce Wayne, and money.

And Grandpa Mutou.

Though, only one person is really covered with Grandpa Mutou. And that person, is Willy Wonka.

The Chocolatier stiffens under the old man. "Heh, what are you doing, Old person? Heh, heh." he asks, his eye twitching

"WHAT! DID YOU SAY SOMETHING! YUGI, YUGI, IS THAT YOU? WHERE AM I? I MUST HAVE LEFT MY GLASSES AT HOME!"

Willy manages to pry himself out from underneath the elderly entity, dusting himself off after doing so.

"AUGH! YOU'RE NOT YUGI! YOU'RE SETO KAIBA! HOLY CRAP!" Grandpa Mutou jumps from the ground and runs straight through the elevator.

The Chocolatier just looks on, at first wearing a very perplexed look, then switching to immense irritation.

"Look what you did! What's wrong with you! You know I have to kill you now don't you? Don't you? That's right! You… you… argh! I'm not allowed to curse! Damn!"

"WHAT?"

"Mr. Wonka! Mr. Wonka!"

Willy huffs and looks over his shoulder, a smile suddenly appearing on his face. "Chucky!"

Marik screams. "I hate dolls! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!"

Charlie gives a lopsided grin. (Aww, isn't he cute?) "Hey, Mr. Wonka. I just came by to see how things are going."

Willy looks around. "Uh, things are goin'… great! Yes."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!"

The teen (yes, I made him a teen) nods. "I see. Well, I think I'll stick around anyway. I asked the Oompa Loompas to take over the satellite, but the squirrels wanted to do it. So now their in a big discussion over white out, and whether they should keep it in the factory or not. Apparently it's been causing some problems-"

"NO IT HASN'T!" interrupts Willy quickly. He giggles, adjusting his hat, which has tipped to the side a bit. "I mean, I keep it in the factory for… confidential purposes." He laughs again, hoping Charlie wouldn't know what "confidential" means.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!"

"Oh, so you mean like public use, no privacy involved, with no secrecy whatsoever."

"…You could say that."

"Okay. How about the powdered sugar, and the grape juice?"

Willy pauses, not understanding at first. Finally it clicks and he grins. "Oh, uh, same thing. But don't have any, heh heh, it's mine, all mine. Devilish laugh."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!"

Charlie makes a face. "Aww, Mr. Wonka. Don't be selfish. You're being like Veruca."

"Are you calling me a wart?"

"No, sir."

"Oh really now! You wanna take this outside?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!"

"What are you screaming about!" shouts Bakura.

"HUH? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Yugi sighs. "Not you Grandpa…"

"WHAT?"

Ishizu rolls her eyes. "Malik, tell your Yami to shut up."

"Better yet, let's take this inside!"

"Mr. Wonka, we are inside."

"Really now! Well, it looks like we don't have to go anywhere doesn't it?"

"Yes sir."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!"

"Damn it, Marik! Shut up!"

"The dolls! THE DOLLS!"

"EH? YUGI IS THAT YOU?"

Ryou screams as Grandpa Mutou grabs him. "Child molester!"

"Am not!"

"He wasn't talking about you Seth."

"Oh."

Bruce Wayne, who was mentioned falling through the roof, blinks. "Am I supposed to be here?"

Actually no. Come back later. Kthxbye.

He nods and backs away precariously through the Door of Not-Really-Ness. Nessnessnessnessness.

"Grandpa, leave Ryou alone!"

"WHAT?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- OOF!" Marik oofs as a pillow connects with his face.

"WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN MENTIONED?" cries Atem. "I'M THE FREAKING MAIN CHARACTER!"

Atem dies. Then pops back up.

"WOOHOO!"

Valon nods for no apparent reason. "I like pie."

Joey growls. "What? So do I! This sucks! I can't like the same thing as you. From now on, I like cheese!"

"Oh, too bad. I already like cheese."

"Shit!"

"EH?"

Tristan somehow revives from the stabbing and stands up, trying to take the scotch tape off himself, but failing miserably. He looks around at all the chaos, and then stops, suddenly seeing something on the carpet. Going up close to it, he realizes it is a piece of carrot.

"Huh?" he wonders out loud. He raises an eyebrow, searching the area for any other signs of vegetable evidence.

"Guys…" All of the sudden, something cold smacks him in the face. Peeling it off, he recognizes it to be cauliflower. As he stands there, his mouth hangs open a little.

"All right men!" comes a little cry. "Perfect opportunity! Fire!"

Tristan hears it, but can't tell where it is coming from. Then something shoots into his mouth. It's cold. It's crunchy. It's gross. It's-

"BROCCOLI!" Everyone stops what they're doing, and turns to Tristan, who is crumpling to the floor once again.

Willy stares, his face a mixture of terror and amusement. Which is a rather odd combination, but hey, it's Willy Wonka. "Oh dear. They're going on the offense. Um, ok! Everyone! We've got a man down! Grab your weapons, let's move!"

The militia follows their orders. Willy tips his hat forward a bit, eyeing the surrounding area. He grins maliciously. "At last. The War of the Broccoli… has begun."

**That was freaking long! Holy crap! Ah, well. Hope you enjoyed it. I did. The weapons were fun to make up, but they were kinda hard. I can't wait till the next chapter. Oh goodie. And hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! I'm saying it now because I won't have a new chapter by then. Oh, and R&R. Kthxbye!**


End file.
